“finding my people in unexpected places” by Sasha on her couch


Monday August 28, 2017
11:50pm
5 minutes
Bad Feminist
Roxane Gay


I’m watching the fiftieth video of the day. I can’t stop. I can’t stop this insane addiction, I’m not judging myself but it’s just the truth. I am obsessed with the purple paste that these Queens use to cover their real eyebrows. And then the whole new set that they draw on way up on their foreheads. OBSESSED. If I could just just watch the eyebrow stuff I might, I really might. Who knew that these would be my people?

“How many yaks could a yak pack pack” by Julia at her desk


Sunday November 2, 2014
12:27am
5 minutes
Tongue Twisters at Americanfolklore.net

Casey was trying to write a bunch of rhymes about penguins for her 5th grade poetry assignment. She was having a hard time because nothing really easy rhymes with “penguin”. She didn’t even know why she chose penguins in the first place. She could have picked anything, like leaves, or malls, or berries. She thought that maybe because she did her first major school project on penguins, she’d have some more luck. Only her mom did it all for her cause Casey didn’t know how to research anything yet. She wondered if she could use some of the information from the bulletin board her mom made and turn it into a poem. So far she had “dressed in tuxedos and loving the sky, penguins are classy but don’t know how to fly.” Casey had already crumpled up six sheets of paper cause the other rhymes were a bit lame. She wanted to ask her mom what she thought but that would make two whole projects on penguins that Casey hadn’t done on her own.

“Power protects power” by Julia at her desk


Saturday November 1, 2014
3:13am
5 minutes
From the program notes for Saint Joan at the Arts Club

sometimes you don’t want to do anything. you just want to put on red lipstick, dance around in your walk in closet, and tie your hair up in funny ribbons. you don’t want to do anything good I mean. In that you don’t want to do anything that might further your life, or your learning. but we all do it, I think. we all need a little break from our objectives and from our own minds. we need to know that there’s something to come back to, but we wouldn’t know that if we never left. so sometimes it’s not a bad thing at all to put on 6 shades of eyeshadow just cause you don’t have plans on a Friday night. or to sit watching clips of Jake Gyllenhaal kissing beautiful women on youtube. nobody can judge it because nobody can say that they aren’t guilty of the alone behaviour that keeps them sane, or if nothing else, amused. because uniqueness breeds uniqueness, and power protects power. and if those things are true, then magic alone time inspires magic alone time. maybe that last one doesn’t make sense. sometimes you just don’t feel like making sense.

“go viral” by Julia at her desk


Saturday February 8, 2014
11:18am
5 minutes
http://www.nationalpost.com

Savvy had wanted to be one of those YouTube singing sensations. She had picked a new name and everything. She was going to get followers and fans and a music deal and a drug addiction. She was going about it all in the right way. She had followed other YouTube phenomenons to see how they had done it exactly. What surprised her were the videos themselves. Well edited and creative and at times using so many other individuals. Savvy wondered how she would get that fame if she were always competing for smiles with her friends and the extras she paid to be in her music videos for a cover she was singing of a band that every other YouTuber had done a cover for. She did not like the idea of learning to use a software. Not after spending so much time perfecting her singing face and learning which angle her nose looked best in. Savvy’s only M.O was to become a star, to be in an Us Weekly magazine and to maybe start her own perfume line.

“A good vinegar is hard to find.” by Julia at TAN on Baldwin


Friday May 17, 2013 at TAN
2:28pm
5 minutes
bon appetit magazine, February 2013 issue

They were telling me to use some sort of apple vinegar? Is that it? Apple cider or whatever? No, Marie, it wasn’t for a recipe. On my hair! Can you believe that bunch a baloney? I’m gonna just go ahead and say it: SOME PEOPLE ARE BAT SHIT CRAZY. I’m being so serious here. Why would I ever do that? So I can walk around all day smelling like a garden salad? N to the O thank to the you. I almost laughed in her face. I didn’t because she was still cutting my hair and I didn’t want her to go all Edward Scissorhands on me and turn me into an award winning piece of front lawn shrubbery. I waited till after, sort of swallowed down my embarrassment for the poor girl. Should have told her the moccasins were not doing anything for her cankles either, while I was at it, but Rome wasn’t built in a day, am I right? So now I’m thinking I should go out and find this vinegar, maybe buy it, I don’t know yet, I’m still deciding, then come home, make a video of me using it and STUPID I look just to prove a point. I’ll put it up on YouTube and see how many hits something as dumb as this gets!