“We are writing to confirm” by Sasha on her couch

Tuesday November 21, 2017
10:53pm
5 minutes
From an email

We are writing to confirm that you will be joining us for the safari in the Sahara from September 19th-29th, 2021! We want to commend you on your extreme foresight in booking your vacation four years in advance. While we know that many of our clients are busy, and book a year or even 18 months in advance, we have never had someone schedule a safari for four years away. We want to reward you with a special full moon feast.

“Sitting in rapt attention” by Sasha at her desk


Wednesday August 24, 2016
3:44pm
5 minutes
SAD MAG
Issue No. 19

Doris is screaming and I can smell the shit in her diaper. “Could you change her?” I ask Ted. He gives me a look like, “Fuck you, cow,” and I pick her up and put her on my hip. “Could you get me a coffee?” I say, over my shoulder. Ted nods, but I doubt he’ll do it. Doris pulls by earring out and I watch as it rolls under a row of seats. Shit. I love these earrings. She reeks and I’m hungover and the ocean is choppy. I’ll come back for it. No one wants a single amethyst stud. It will be there. The shit is all over Doris’ back, one of those explosive situations that people warn about but you don’t always believe actually happen.

“The secret of remaining young” By Julia on Lindsay’s Couch


Saturday August 13, 2016
7:12am
5 minutes
The Picture Of Dorian Gray
Oscar Wilde


Mom calls me to tell me about her trip tells me all about the seaside
And how people don’t care
That North America has judgments about women’s bodies and women’s
Minds
She tells me that she bought
Her first bikini
In 15 years
And that she loves it
And that she’s decided
She no longer cares
About the rules
Either
Mom tells me about her trip
How she listened to her body
Instead of punishing it
How she gave her skin a chance
How she smiled more than before
How people told her how good
She looked
And how shocking that
Was
And how nice that is
And how maybe she has
Finally
Let herself believe them
Because they are right
Because she has put the hard work in
Because she has unlocked her heart
And freed her inner child
Mom tells me about he trip
About her journey to find
peace
And how on the way
She found a whole lot more
Inside herself
Than she meant to

“Spiritual teachers” by Julia on her bed


Sunday, July 17, 2016
11:06am
5 minutes
Women Food And God
Geneen Roth


I called my spiritual teacher, Helia, because I was in a state of emergency. I couldn’t find anything to wear and I couldn’t tell if it was my inner child reacting to my adult life, or if it was sign from the universe telling me I had to listen inward, or take a risk, or write down my dreams in the journal marked “For Dreams”. Helia was on vacation in the Okanagan. She had posted a photo from Peachland so I knew she was alive, but why wasn’t she responding to my very desperate attempts at contacting her? It’s not like this was a run of the mill anxiety attack or some realization that I cannot do this alone. I already know that I can’t, and that’s what I pay a spiritual healer for. Healia said to never hesitate to reach out. She failed to mention that I should just never be in crisis during the last weeks of July and first weeks of August. So I called my sister instead and she invited me over for homemade brownies and lemonade. She said she would try to massage my left shoulder knot out and maybe I just needed some TLC from someone who used to share a room with me.

“When did we leave for thing there?” By Julia on Jessica’s couch


Sunday January 18, 2015
12:47am
5 minutes
Overheard at Julia’s aunt’s house

Okay so there was this trip, right? We went together to thing there, what was it called? The Dominican! Never mind. We went with what’s his name, John there, and it was nice that he came with us because now we have photos together. We were on the dance floor one night just letting lose, and the next day he um, John, he shows us the whole night of us dancing and eating that good pasta there, you know at the nice italian place I was telling you about. So nice, I gotta tell you right, cause I didn’t know he was snapping away the whole time and capturing us, what’s that word there, candid! He captured us together all candid and they’re nice because I also have some of us standing by the fountain, but we both know it’s a photo and our smiles look bad. But the ones thing there took, John, look so nice and we look happy. It’s always better to have a friend come on your vacation so you can remember how happy you actually are.

“Selfie?” by Julia on the train to Bologna


Sunday December 7, 2014
2:32pm
5 minutes
Overheard on a bridge in Venice

This man was selling SELFIE ARMS. Do you even know what those are? Ok, say you want to take a vacation and you’re all by yourself. Say you want a memory of you and the ocean but you don’t want to take the photo on your own cause it’ll look like you don’t have anyone else or that you got desperate and needed to see your face beside a landmark. There are contraptions you can buy, attach to your phone, and then, I don’t know, program it to take a photo in precisely the right amount of time for you to get ready, smile, wish you had someone there with you even though you’re happy you’re learning about independence and humility, and trusting your own instincts or whatever, and then think back to that ocean that you’ll be so damn happy you have a record of. They sell those now, you know?

“Fresh Bread” by Sasha at ideal coffee


Monday June 23, 2014
12:58pm at ideal coffee
5 minutes
the menu at ideal coffee

God, it makes me think about the air mattress that we used to use in the pool at Gramma’s place. Larry and I would take turns, each getting to play on it for fifteen minutes. Gramma would time on her gold watch. “SWITCH!” She’d call, and he’d roll off and I’d climb on, my polka dot bathing suit with the cut-out tummy giving me a wedgie. And then, when it was time to go in for supper, Larry would always get cold and Gramma would say, “Alex, deflate that air mattress, wouldya?” So I’d drag it out of the pool and I’d pull out the little plastic tab that kept all the air in. I’d lay, like a starfish, and close my eyes and listen to the whistle of the emptying… After a few minutes, I’d be on the tile, but there’d still be air in the corners, so I’d hop around until I could fold the thing up, until there was nothing left but rubber. “Careful not to drip in the foyer!” Gramma would call, so I’d wrap the mattress in my beach towel, a British flag.