“Why don’t you just” by Julia on her couch

Tuesday December 10, 2019
9:11pm
5 minutes
a text message

C: brush your teeth as soon as you wake up and then you’ll be ready for the day. Then you don’t have do it again.
M: But I eat, so, what am I supposed to do, have food breath?
C: Ever heard of mints?
M: Yeah. I have.
C: Fine do what you want, that’s what you always do anyway.
M: Yeah because I’m a grown man. That’s what grown men do.
C: Yeah. Right.
M: What?
C: Nothing. I said right. I was agreeing with you.
M: I don’t buy it.
C: I’m serious. That’s what grown men do.
M: But?
C: What?
M: You don’t think I’m a man.
C: That’s not what I said–
M: You didn’t have to. I heard it in your tone. So why don’t you just say it?
C: Well, this is a trap. I’m not saying anything, listen, you’re the one–
M: Cause you don’t have to say it. You don’t think I don’t notice? When we go out and you’re always trying to tell me which shirt I should wear, or if you think my hair’s too long for my beard?
C: You ask me my opinion! That would lead one to believe that you needed the second set of eyes.
M: But you hear how you do do that right?
C: It’s not like I’m trying to put you down!

“Don’t let the exclamation point fool you.” by Julia at her desk

Sunday November 24, 2019
5:27pm
5 minutes
from an Instagram post

Not Happy. Not thrilled. Not at all okay.
Okay? Get it? The question mark is rhetorical.
Don’t answer that. Read the room, you know?
you know. Not happy. Not thrilled. Not great.
Could it be about passion, hmm? Could it be
anger? DO I HAVE TO SHOW YOU THE VOLUME or does
the rage fall flat when all you see is the blasted !! !!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see how you can get it twisted.
Good liar. Good at feeling the thing but not in front of anyone.
Not good at hiding the feeling, but excellent at lying about it.
That’s even worse, now you know, now you know, but you’ll say
you don’t if you see the s m i l e !
See? SEE? SEE?! All different.
I am all different and all angry and all the opposite of okay.
Not thrilled. Not happy. Happy during rage but not about the rage
that now I feel because of you not being able to read the room.
The rhetorical question. Don’t answer that. No question mark.
Not an invitation. Not something for you to hang your dumb old hat on.
See the rage, feel the not okay now?
See what’s being tossed around?
Don’t let that shit fool you.
Don’t be so naive out of convenience.
Who is fine anyway.
Who is ever fine ANYWAY.

“You must unlearn the habit of being someone else” by Julia at her desk

Saturday March 9, 2019
9:33pm
5 minutes
A quote from Herman Hesse

I say this to myself. I say this to you as me thank you universe as mirror
I started this thinking I was going to channel someone else’s tone and make a profound discovery about all my major opinions. I wonder who she wanted to be like or sound like or only wished she could express half as well as. Maybe I’ll ask her that. The first breeze of the morning. I’ll bet she’ll say something like that as her response. Something loose like an escaped curl from a tight bun. She’ll say that was her inspiration. That was what she tried to emulate. I could use my own voice but I’m still not sure which one she is.