“making a retreat into self-protective cynicism” by Sasha at Knowlton Lake

Tuesday September 26, 2017
10:28pm
5 minutes
Fighting the Cowardice of Cynicism
Caitlin Moran

My cynic wears tortershell glasses
And has brown eyes

Her wardrobe is browns and greys
White black

She has an astoundingly dry
Sense of humor

She drinks dry martinis

She speaks Italian
French
Spanish
And a little bit of Japanese
Enough to get by
Enough to order the best sushi

When she speaks
People listen
People hear
Especially men
Men listen
No one
No one
Mansplains to her

She never has to repeat
Herself
She never has to interrupt

“And now I know he’s not my soulmate” by Sasha at UBC


Wednesday March 18, 2015
1:16pm
5 minutes
overheard at aroma espresso bar

Lying beside G., he smells like salami and body odour or maybe his body odour is salami-like
And now I know he’s not my soulmate
My soulmate’s sweat will smell like pinecones
Looking across the table at A., he chews like a rabbit (all front teeth) and it’s even stranger because we’re eating sushi
I down a half bottle of sake (come on, they’re small)
And now I know he’s not my soulmate
My soulmate will chew mostly with his molars
Flecks of rice will not escape when he leans in to tell me about the shower gel at his gym
Walking beside Z., he always keeps a half-step ahead of me, preferring that I always be in “catch-up” mode
And now I know he’s not my soulmate
My soulmate will walk with me, side-by-side, fingers grazing like blades of grass

I trust signs
It’s a sign
There’s a sign
And there, too

“bless his heart” by Sasha at her kitchen table


Sunday January 4, 2015
9:45pm
5 minutes
http://www.mynewroots.com

He wore his bow tie, bless his heart. And it even looks like he shined his shoes! I didn’t even know people do that anymore! I didn’t know that was a thing. He probably wants to have sex with me, what with the ironed shirt and all. Cufflinks – holy eff! He’s wearing little dolphin cufflinks.

We are making sushi, or, rather, rolling it. He has the ingredients laid out and neither of us has done it before so it’s a sticky situation. I keep licking my fingers and he keeps dipping his into the tiny bowls of warm water he’s provided for both of us. He’s all about the carrot and I’m all about the avocado. Says a lot about someone – what they choose to put in their home made hand rolls. He doesn’t have any crab because his roommate is deathly allergic. A-okay. I’m not that into it anyway. We are listening to an array of music – Cheryl Crow to Robin Thicke. He seems much more into the former. I look over at his fish, Kinky Boots, and I see that he’s belly up. Oh oh! “Um… I’m afraid that Kinky Boots has, uh…” He finishes rolling and looks at me seductively.

“We can help you” by Sasha at her kitchen table


Sunday August 31, 2014
8:28pm
5 minutes
a TD bank envelope

She says, “What are you doing?” I say, “I’m cleaning the kitchen…” She says, “It wasn’t even dirty to begin with – ” I say, “It doesn’t get dirty because I clean it every day and that way nothing can get out of hand.” She says, “You’re paranoid. You’re pretty much a paranoid schizophrenic.” I say, “That’s a really mean thing to say…” She say, “I’m not saying it to be mean. I’m saying it to be real.” I say, “I’m not even cleaning the fucking kitchen! I’m watching Game Of Thrones! I did’t want you to judge me because it’s two in the afternoon and I should be doing something productive!” She says, “It’s Sunday! What the fuck is wrong with you!” I say, “Why did you even call me?” She says, “To see if you wanted to have sushi tonight…” I say, “So?” She says, “Do you want to have sushi tonight?” I say, “I guess…” She says, “Great! New Gen?”

“modern doughnuts” by Sasha at her kitchen table


Saturday December 21, 2013
12:02am
5 minutes
From the Jelly doughnut store sign on College

There’ll be sushi
charcuterie
baked brie
figs and honey
you and me

I’m going to make you a spread like you’ve never seen before

I never thought I’d delight in setting a table
In finding an antique table cloth at the flea market
And stitching it where it was worn
In lighting the candles
And decanting the wine

I wish I’d been there when you were born
Maybe that sounds far out
I wish I’d been the one to catch you
To wash you
To see you first