Wednesday October 23, 2019
so I’ve been thinking about you lately. you’ve shown up in my dreams a few times and there was peace between us. a hug.
I want to write to you and forgive you for everything but I think that means I have to forgive myself for my part too and I haven’t wanted to say i’m sorry.
I haven’t wanted to give you that because I wanted you to be the full culprit and take the full blame and remain the full bad guy. but I wasn’t always the best of friends to you either.
I didn’t think our last visit should have gone the way it did but before that was I great to you? No. every drunken sleepover ended with me yelling at you. I could never handle my liquor and I could never handle how mean you were to me. sensitive. and you made fun of me for that. so I didn’t want to forgive you because I stand by my sensitivity. ask any of my true friends and they’ll tell you the same.
but I am sorry I wasn’t always honest with you sober. I was afraid. of how much like you I could be. of how much like you I always was.