“Sharks spotted” by Julia on her couch

Monday February 17, 2014
5 minutes
the news feed at Ossington Station

They were in a tank, but still. I was like, DO NOT LET THEM SEE ME. I thought they were going to smell my fear. From the tank, like, I know. That’s how big my fear was! I wasn’t prepared for those faces. Like, angry, scary, sneaky, creepy faces. Those smiles? What are you smiling about, you know? Like, am I your next big meal or something? Will you be using me to make an example out of people who get too close? I had a heart attack. My heart was legitimately attacked! Like, with the pain and the blurriness? I couldn’t see a thing. I could hear the JAWS theme song in my head, though. That’s something that actually happened. I was told before I went to the aquarium that they look scary, but they’re not. That’s just their face. That’s just the way they look. Which I guess is fair, right? Not all humans who look like pedophiles actually are. Okay, bad example. Not all humans who look like they’re about to murder you painfully actually do…Wait. Is this the right type of comparison? Point is, I saw these sharks, and I was petrified. And they didn’t kill me, and they didn’t give a shit about me, really, but I think, goddammit, I still think they could sense me there. As an outsider. As someone not to be trusted because if I were ever alone with them, I would try to do some weird psychoanalysis shit on them. See what they really wanted…