“If you have already completed” by Julia on the 99


Saturday May 14, 2016
5:39pm
5 minutes
The Canadian Census

So I walk on the bus and there’s a woman in a jean ball cap flipping through flyers and ripping out coupons. She’s sitting by the window, taking up two seats to do this and there’s nowhere for me to sit. So I say, very politely, excuse me may I sit there? And she grumbles to herself and then instead of moving her papers off the aisle seat, she moves herself over and makes me climb over her to get to the window. I’m already miffed, but then the bus jolts and I go flying into her flyers which makes her grumble even more. I make it a point not to say I’m sorry. If I don’t say anything I can’t say anything mean either, right? Then she moves herself to another seat near by, and she keeps clicking her tongue like she can’t believe “this person” and “this person” is clearly me, even though I’m just on my phone writing a grocery list for later. Then she moves herself again to a completely different seat, complaining to the woman beside her that I’m going to give her cancer for being on my phone near her!

“she’s obliged to protect you” by Julia at Alison’s


Friday, August 9, 2013
3:20am
5 minutes
Unsafe Convictions
Alison Taylor


Haven’t you heard? There’s this new thing that keeps your phone locked unless it senses your fingertips so no one is able to read your private messages! Isn’t that cool? It’s expensive though, so it’s like a huge investment, but at least it works. I mean it should work. I mean, it hasn’t fully been tested yet. God is there anything worse than being hungry? Yeah having intruders read your messages and be able to hold that against you! There are protective measures we can be taking and I’m just saying it’s worth it to be prepared and to pay the money. I saw it on the news! Or I read it maybe in a magazine, I don’t remember now. I just know it’s accurate because my friend Marcus is incredibly tech-savvy and he said that if it worked it would make us millions. Hahaha! I mean the company. I mean whatever who cares what I mean I’m just excited. But like, do you think it’s a smart idea? It’s like having a breathalyzer built into your car so that you can only get into it if you breathe under the blood alcohol level. And it’s expensive, like 800 dollars just to install..and it’s for people with DUIs but you get the idea.