“Andrzej squinted at it” by Julia on the couch

Friday June 5, 2020
10:50pm
5 minutes
The Button
Makana Eyre

In the blink of an eye
Andrzej could see his
whole world expand

it was like walking
through the gentle haze
of an orange dream

and everything cloaked
in it sways to the faint
twinkle of a wind chime

and everything bathed
walks a slow glow and
there is tall grass

Roya shows him the
sonogram and he doesn’t
speak for 3 whole minutes

seeing his daughter’s
entire future through
the dream world canopy

there is more love in
this moment than any
other moment

“describe what it might be like to be her child” by Sasha at the kitchen table

Sunday May 31, 2020
2:39pm
5 minutes
Room To Write
Bonni Goldberg

You walk around the corner with an apple piece in your hand
extended in a reach that says “yes” and “look!”

You just learned how to tip toe and
smell the purple lilacs

I read a headline this morning that there might be rolling
pandemics every five or ten years now

and I almost threw up
a wave of sadness that you were born into this world

How will I explain it all when your questions grow
wider than “Hot?”

I was always so sure that I was to be a mother
I never imagined such grief as your bones and blood grew in my body
At eleven weeks of holding you here
my small world exploding
and now the big world breaking and burning
little and big
nested like dolls inside one another
your hand in mine now
as you step up a stair

“You can see my baby’s heartbeat” by Sasha at JJ Bean on Cambie

Wednesday January 29, 2020
11:33am
5 minutes
The Kingdom of God
Teddy Macker

I meet your heartbeat when I meet my own
hands on swollen belly
twenty weeks
twenty weeks of you

I shriek the whole way to the lab
I have to pee so bad
And your dad goes over speedbumps slowly
takes turns slowly
I scream
He tries to curb his laughter

My heart was racing in a way
I’d never known
Knowing you were there
but also doubting
I don’t do that anymore
When I know I know
You teach me that

”It’s your first” the technician says
and I nod and she says she always knows
Let’s me pee half way
Smiles
Having seen it all before

Tears on my cheeks as I meet your black and white image
on the screen
I know you in the ancient way that feet know ground
I know your sweetness
your grace
your eyebrow raise
knowing smile

Lola Moon
Nine months old
My life’s greatest joy
is being your mother
My life’s greatest work
is doing well by you
and failing you
and doing well by you again

“You can see my baby’s heartbeat” by Julia in the fishbowl

Wednesday January 29, 2020
11:29am
5 minutes
The Kingdom of God
Teddy Macker

We go walking, lighter in the step I guess we know where the weight should be
I see every baby and they see me as if we were part of the same club
He notices and laughs because the baby whisperer is here, out, walking around
I respond as if I don’t believe him but I do because of all the seeing that is going on
Tiny humans jerked from their previous commitment to put their attention on the heart pumping, passing by
We lock eyes like two long lost friends, aware of how well we still know each other
He laughs and laughs and loves me with the squeeze around my shoulder, the stop to kiss and smile into my mouth
I think he sees our baby’s heartbeat in the space we’re holding for it, in the eyes of every heart synching with mine
We go walking, lightly, barely touching the ground and for the first time in days the sun is showing what she can do, casting a glow on the whole park and
splashing back up at us so we almost forget
that days and days have gone by with rain, without her

“Mandala-Image Dip” by Julia at her desk


Saturday August 31, 2019
9:36pm
5 minutes
Mandala
Margaret Collis

Okay is this our future? Me you and this baby
that we talked about having and then keep having
conversations about but only when the universe
decides to throw darts at us and prick us with
tiny messages from outside ourselves? Reminding
us that we are very much of the earth and on the
earth and of the people on the earth, not different
not unique, really, since aren’t those thoughts
my thoughts, and those words, yours? Didn’t I say
something like that yesterday or last month and
now, tonight, the woman in the play says the
same exact sentiment? Didn’t I write that play
one afternoon, one argument ago, one plea to
get married, one yes or no about the future?
Me and you and this baby that we’ve talked
about are all in the room now, not talking
about what might be true for them and us now
and in the future. This idea, this earth, we
are living on and in and for and it’s only
an idea, isn’t it? Only a fraction of what we
could be thinking about or acting upon, and the
actors tonight said the words. They said what
you’ve asked, and what I’ve denied, and everyone
in the room was crying so, is everyone having
this very same conversation? About the earth
and about the future and about babies and about
if we’re good people, or if we’re all lost…

“Slicing lake Ontario” by Julia at her desk

Sunday August 11, 2019
8:27pm
5 minutes
Catastrophe that Nearly Brought Down a Plane
Sabyasachi Nag

Darling tonight did you hear me ask you
a less than hypothetical question about
our children and about the future that
might show you just how much I’ve thought
about these things?

You didn’t seem to clock it and that
didn’t bother me then but it’s bothering
me now and I wished I had said, Excuse me
did you hear what I said about our kids
without you leading the charge?

These are moments for me to reflect on
by myself I suppose, because did I say
it out of truth gargling against my cheeks
or did I say it out of poetry and the
persistent chase of perfect phrases?

Are you changing your mind now that
I’ve got mine on straight? It would be so
sad after all this time if we had found
ourselves on different pages again. It
might break my heart into weapons.

I think about this future family of
ours and where the hell are they going
to live? In this one bedroom apartment?
In this city that you said yourself might be
too soft for them and for us and everything.

“They backed off right away” by Sasha in her bed

Tuesday June 25, 2019
9:26pm
5 minutes
From a text

He was different. He didn’t try to fuck me the first time he slept over. Ironic, now… He was intelligent, progressive, creative, articulate, sexy, conscious, tuned in. He wanted me. He wanted to be with only me. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I told everyone else I was seeing that I’d met someone.

This is why I love him.

We loved each other with passion and fire and fear and truth. We love each other the same now, but different too. We love each other with fatigue and disappointment and folding laundry and a joint bank account and long hours and tired nipples. We love each other feet touching under the covers, our baby between us, we love each other through her.

“Brady and Rix” by Julia at the desk

Saturday July 21, 2018
11:40am
5 minutes
Fever Pitch
Nick Hornby

Brady and Rix are the names of my imaginary kids.
They’re both neutral names but they’re both boys.
I am seeing my life with boys. I am allowed to see
what ever I want. God made me a writer. This is what
that’s for. Dreaming. Going there. Writing stories.
Brady is the older brother. My first. I love him like
an avalanche. Falling over myself every day. Knocked
down by love for the kid who can fit inside my pocket.
He holds my hand and calls me mama. He loves bubbles
and laughing and me. And his dad. He loves his dad so much.
He thinks everything he does is amazing. And everything
he does is amazing. Rix is the baby. He’s very serious.
He looks at everything with curiosity. He wants to know
my soul and does not let go. He is learning with a bit
of discernment. He loves being in the water. He pours
out of me and into things and into light. The whole room
loves him.

“Like you’ve never seen her” by Sasha at her kitchen table

Thursday May 31, 2018
8:56pm
5 minutes
allure magazine May 2017

You’ve never seen her lit up like this. You stand back and watch her, across the room, laughing, brushing her hair out of her eyes, sipping her soda water. You wonder what kind of mother she’ll be. A good one, obviously, but you wonder what her patience will be like. She can get snippy. You don’t idealize motherhood, or parenthood, or any of it. You know it’s going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. You close your eyes and breathe in this fall night, with these people you love, and the sausages on the grill, the asparagus salad, the Bahamas on the stereo. She catches your eye and calls you over.

“Sitting in rapt attention” by Sasha at her desk


Wednesday August 24, 2016
3:44pm
5 minutes
SAD MAG
Issue No. 19

Doris is screaming and I can smell the shit in her diaper. “Could you change her?” I ask Ted. He gives me a look like, “Fuck you, cow,” and I pick her up and put her on my hip. “Could you get me a coffee?” I say, over my shoulder. Ted nods, but I doubt he’ll do it. Doris pulls by earring out and I watch as it rolls under a row of seats. Shit. I love these earrings. She reeks and I’m hungover and the ocean is choppy. I’ll come back for it. No one wants a single amethyst stud. It will be there. The shit is all over Doris’ back, one of those explosive situations that people warn about but you don’t always believe actually happen.

“No need to hurry” by Sasha on her porch


Saturday, July 18, 2015
11:43am
5 minutes
From an email

No need to hurry, Si. You’ll trip! Your shoelaces are undone… Silas! Shit. Come here. Come here. You’re alright, you’ll be alright. Shhh… Sh… Mikey and Lizz are coming for supper. What shall we make. Burritos? How bout burritos? And you and Mikey can have fizzies and me and Lizz will have grown-up fizzes with wine. Oh. I guess we should stop at the liquor store, then. Or… No, can’t ask Lizz to bring, she’s always so low on cash. Not sure why she doesn’t ask Greg for more spending money. It’s not like he doesn’t have more than enough! And then he takes the kids to Marine Land and gets all the glory while Lizz is left – … Silas? Nevermind. Honey, don’t pick that up. That’s garbage! SILAS! Don’t you dare put that in your mouth. There’ll be no fizzy for you!

“Homicidal computer” by Sasha at her desk


Thursday June 19, 2014
11:49pm
5 minutes
CBC News

Brian: I’m not sure what to say to you, Clara… I mean… I… I got home and she was on the computer and I said, “Jules, are you allowed? Did Mom say that you could surf the net without anyone home?” And she nodded! I thought that the rules changed or something, you know…
Clara: The rules changed?! Without us discussing it? I don’t think so –
Brian: You change the rules about her all the damn time. I can’t even keep up. One minute it’s half an hour of TV, the next it’s only movies at the Cineplex…
Clara: That’s ridiculous! I’ve never said anything about her only being allowed movies at the Cineplex!
Brian: It was an example –
Clara: It was a LIE!

“Absolutely everybody gets a little something” by Sasha at the CSI Coffee Pub


Monday April 28, 2014 at CSI Coffee Pub
11:54am
5 minutes
Slaughterhouse Five
Kurt Vonnegut


“What the fuck is this, Nick?”
“Uh…”
“What the fuck – ?!”
“It’s a… dick pic – ”
“A WHAT?”
“A pic of my… dick.”
“Ohmyogod. Go to your room. Right now. Go to your ROOM!” You’re grounded. You’re fucking grounded.”
He starts to go.
“What the fuck, Nick?!”
Angie holds a picture, clearly taken using a cellphone, printed on a black and white computer printer.
“I didn’t mean for you to… see it.”
“That’s all you have to say for yourself? SERIOUSLY?!”
“I sent it to Julie…”
“I know you sent it to JULIE. JULIE’S Mom came over this afternoon and I was in the middle of my Yogalates video and she comes in and she shows me… this… and she says, “This is your sons.”
Nick looks at his feet.
“This is probably assault, Nick!? Did I raise you to be a rapist?!”