Saturday November 9, 2019
I should go outside
twice today would be
but I should go to
something of myself
a better version of
than the avoidant one that
me when I stay inside
I should breathe in the
air of the sea and thank
outside my body for
and when that’s done I
put down my sword and
fighting or is it the
I should tear the veil
and swinging back and
I should kiss from the
I should open my skull
let the sky gods lick
clean until it is dry
I should go outside
the night is still young
the space is still fluid
Sunday March 17, 2019
The Lovely Bones
Maybe he’s a magician. He knew which cure I needed.
I said, I won’t be leaving the house today and he opened all the windows. Slowly he nudged
me out of one.
He threw down my tiny backpack after me with a row of Oreos wrapped neatly in the front pocket.
I didn’t thank him then because I still hated him for making me leave.
My body ached from the elephant standing on all my bones.
She was heavy but I didn’t want to be rude so I let her plant her home in me.
The first set of steps set off the fire alarm or the something alarm: Somebody save me or kill me please.
I kept moving, thinking of his wand or special drink. Whatever he used to work his magic on me to get me out.
I walked and walked with a slowness that might suggest a destination was out of the question.
Then I found my feet on the dirty sand filled with broken shells and cigarette butts.
The ball of sun told me where to put myself and I listened to him too.
I closed my eyes and sat there, staring directly into a hot face. I said to myself, Oh. So this is what he meant.
Monday February 11, 2019
Left my heart on the beach with the tide out
Sun dippin’ low givin’ glow to all the good neighbours
Those clouds, man, did they drink
I drank too like it might be my last sip and I swirled it there in my mouth, painting my tongue a kind of magic
Bear’s hands were holding the cups and I have the good eye so I took all the photos, freezin’ my hand skin as offerin’, trade, holy sacrifice
And then the red x pinged off the horizon and splashed us both diagonal, split us both in two cause then more of us could witness
Bear’s mug clanked my mug and we two stepped with the teasing foam as it came knocking on our boots, kissing at our toes
Wednesday November 21, 2018
Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering
Sarah J. Buckley
Take me out to dinner
I say this to me
me says this to me
take me out of this house
and into the world
Order something delicious!
I say this to me as
if I might try to save a few
dollars like the last time
I had this conversation
Take the good out and let
the world see it so they can
see themselves the way they need to
It is not easy
It could be easy
Leave the house! Leave the house!
I say this to me when I have tricked
myself into believing that
inside will keep me from breaking
But it isn’t like that
I could lie and say I’d prefer
to stay inside where it is safe
but the truth is that is where
all the breaking happens
It is not safe indoors with all
the mirrors and all the couch
not asking me to leave it
Take yourself on a walk
I say this to myself when my body
feels like it has forgotten
how to move
Smell the fresh mountain air!
That’s why you live here!
I say this to myself when I catch
a bead of sweat pooling in the
This is today’s sweat in yesterday’s
sweater and this does not keep
I say this to myself so I can hear
it in the voice of someone
higher than me
Sunday June 17, 2018
The Best Lack All Conviction
We have come out here to avoid our inside lives
the ones that get sticky on the couch
or forget to take out the recycling again
(mistakes and impulse decisions piling up on each other)
(A bitter taste from the cruel beach wind on your tongue)
The woman across the alley way is telling everyone the same story
“The government something and now he’s outta there”
Neither of us can catch it
But we watch like she is the movie keeping us silent and side by side
She knows she can be obnoxious and has repeated that too
The air is perfect
The sky is purple and pink and orange on my side and
blue and lime green and red on yours
We light up and pass the joint without words
I’ve got the ukulele and you have your guitar
It’s so nice here outside our inside lives
It feels like the sun is still kissing our shoulders
It feels like my body didn’t just give out on me an hour ago
I crave coffee now and I never used to
You love that about me and I love that you love that
Outside, looking down at the man trading his time for our bottles
the gas fumes wafting up through the patio floor
Inhaling our new air and some of the neighbours’ below
Sunday October 9, 2016
All My Days
Margot isn’t sure when it occurred to her that maybe it would be a good idea to stop going to spin class. She cancelled her gym membership. She de-activated her monthly yoga pass. It was a slippery slope, but in a good way. Margot started going outside. Radical. Revolutionary. Margot bought a seventy dollar bike on Craigslist and put a water bottle holder on it, and a basket on the back. She started biking to work. She walked the grocery store. She realized that she had been spending a kazillion dollars on things she could really do for free! She just needed a good rain coat and some bravery! She just needed to learn the arm signs that indicate if one is turning left or right!
Tuesday October 28, 2014
from the side of a tper bus
He entered a room filled with mirrors. The instructions said he must look within before he could exit the game. He knew how this worked. A hundred minutes ripping apart all his flaws just to realize he was fine all along and didn’t need to inflict any self harm to find that out. So instead he tried to see what features he liked about himself; starting with the outside to make it easier when he got to the inside.
Decent enough eye shape. Not an almond. But almost. Long eyelashes-like a fawn, or a prostitute. Standard cheekbones (thankfully). One big bottom lip and one almost normal looking top lip. Straight teeth. Really straight. Should smile more. Will note that.
Sunday January 12, 2014 5:33pm 5 minutes
I could tell you once, I could tell you a million times. You’re not getting any younger! Haha! I’m laughing because that’s something my hubby used to say to me before we were married. It was some big joke and it always made me laugh. He had the perfect expression in his eyes, and he knew it would get me so he’d say it often. He was such a sweetheart. He and I went out west to plant trees when we were young. We thought it would make us better people. And it was hard work. But I tell you know I really do appreciate nature more. Sounds cliche, I know. It is! And I don’t mind it! You people should do more things outside and more things together outside. Do you understand what I’m saying? That’s how you remember your life, with the moments spent in the fresh air and feeling like a part of it all instead of believing you’re above it. You’re not getting any younger! Haha. See?
Thursday March 7, 2013
The Marvelous Land of Oz
I really have a good feeling about the weather today. Cloudy, but nice enough to walk outside in. That’s the trouble I have with most days; I don’t ever want to leave the house. Not that I’m scared of the outside or anything. I’m really not. I’m just not a big fan of leaving if I don’t have to. Do I have to anyway? Who decides this? I go out when I need eggs or milk, or a hug from someone who doesn’t live with me. I’m not just going to go for a walk to get out. That, to me, is not the best reason. But what, who decides? Today is different, I guess. I think today makes me want to go out for no reason at all and that might be because I just admitted I don’t like leaving the house and I have to prove to everyone that I’m functioning. I am, by the way. I have a dog and I have a job. People think if you generalize things that means you’re really sad. I’m not sad, I don’t need any major pats on the back or whatever. I’m not angry!! I’m not! I really do not know why you’d think it in the first place! Some people just say the truth and automatically they’re deemed a spaz or a help-case. I don’t need help. I just need the weather to be nice enough for me to want to go out and not jog but maybe just stand there, and not shop, but maybe go to the backyard and look at the pear trees. I have pear trees! I’M NOT SAD! I think after all of this I may stay inside. I have a book I want to think about reading and I have a newspaper too.