“discussing something that’s totally wrong” by Julia at JJ Bean


Tuesday August 15, 2017
5:23pm
5 minutes
foverheard at JJ Bean

You could tell him that his toenails are too long
OR
you could gag everytime his foot rubs your leg

You could tell her that her breath smells like a jar of sleeping shit
OR
you could wear a hospital mask over your entire face

You could tell him there is lemon meringue gooping out of his eyes
OR
you could smash his face into a pillow, like a game, ha ha, wipe wipe

You could tell her that she’s being defensive
OR
you could put her attitude in the bowl of acceptance and underline TRUST over and over

You could say the truth
OR

“I said karate and she thought I said karaoke” by Julia on her bed


Monday June 9, 2014
1:12am
5 minutes
overheard on Bloor St.

This broad, I mean, get your hearing checked, you knowwhati’msaying? She had one finger in her ear and one finger god knows where. It was like she was trying to fuck with me. And I’m there all easy breezy, you know? Cause I’m trying so hard to let her know she’s not getting to me, but we’re on this date, youknowwhati’msaying? It was one of those match.com dates or what have you because I was having a hard time out in the real world, you get me? Ha! That’s a joke! She was my cousin Jodi’s boss’ sister in law’s friend. I wouldn’t do those dating sites if they were the last option on this planet, youknowwhati’msaying? Anyways, I’m telling her some stories about my childhood and the classes I used to take, and for a brief sting there, I was taking dance classes and also karate which is why I mention the dancing cause the karate, you know, it cancels it out. And this broad! She thinks I said Karaoke! Who takes a friggen karaoke class, youknowhati’msaying?