“This is the beginning of the beginning” by Sasha at her desk

Thursday January 3, 2019
4:38pm
5 minutes
When Things Fall Apart
Pema Chödrön

More compassion, soft ears, green vegetables, dancing, reading, surrender to the mystery of it all, quiet, nature, calling far-away loved ones, patience, filing, writing, movement, sleep, boundaries.

Less judgement, sweet stuff, jaw clenching, catastrophic thinking, Instagram, tension, impatience, screen time, expectations.

“Hitchhiking” by Sasha at her kitchen table

Monday January 1, 2018
7:49pm
5 minutes
Trek: A Publication of Alumni UBC

I want you to go first with your ties of love riding the crest of the wave
most wildly at night with your newfound drunken freedom
from the wickedness
the blame
or something

I want you to stick your thumb out and see who pulls over and climb in before
I even decide
freedom on the side of the highway
crouched in the tall grass
peeing

There is always a final chapter
A conclusion
The timing is up to us
An agreement
Usually silent
Usually eye contact and deep breaths
Freedom from

It’s the first day of the rest of my life or at least 2018
I am here with books piled high beside me
Happy place
Joy place
Finally
My love sleeps in our darkened bedroom
A candle with Sacred Mother Mary burns low on the sill
He’ll leave not tomorrow but the next day
and then it will just be

me

“All tickets sales are final” by Sasha on a bench near the water

Sunday December 31, 2017
1:32pm
5 minutes
From a ticket

You get tired thinking about who you can’t be. You buy a ticket for a cross-country train ride. You’ll write. You’ll sing. You’ll buy bad small town coffee. Really, you’ll spend a lot of time looking out the window. Really, you’ll finally stop dreaming about giving birth. You start reading the books you’ve always wanted to read. You start learning survival skills, karate, rock climbing. You have more space now. You call your brother on Sunday mornings and ask about his daughter. It hurts less and less. You aren’t sure about resolutions. You aren’t sure about numbers. You aren’t sure how long it takes for turkey to go bad in the fridge. You think about how you’ll wait however long it takes. You’ve got time.

“A hundred tourists are caught” by Sasha on the couch in Cowichan Bay


Friday, January 1, 2016
11:14am
5 minutes
Coda, Etcetera
Amber Tamblyn


when you tell me my feelings i flush with earl grey tears and this is not a testament to your impact on me it is an homage to my mother and my mother’s mother before her and when i make breakfast and lunch and dinner i am not subscribing to our cultural magazine of gender roles my soul is fed by mashing an avocado on toast and by stewing broth and lentils all afternoon for us to dip crusty bits of red fife bread in and when i try to breathe into my pelvis and find this difficult it is not just my body it is every woman’s body the body of the great mother and i set the intention like a timer that will go off like a church bell whenever i am far away from myself be here be here be here

“a little bit of this” by Sasha at the kitchen table in the Angel’s Nest


Friday January 2, 2015
10:34pm
5 minutes
from a St. Germaine song

A little bit of the kind of thing you can’t learn from a book or you could but you don’t so there.
A little bit of spicy black pepper red pepper yellow pepper green pepper gives me heartaches.
A little bit of jealousy at the way she harnesses her memories they are so close to mine so far from mine so close to what I wish I could make.
A little bit of be here now be here now.
A little bit of six year old wisdom of six year old genuine curiosity.
She’s braver than me. Holy shit. She’s braver than you. Yup.
A little bit of turning off the screen turning up the soup on the stove turning over the new year new leaf of love and relaxation and flexibility.
Yup.
That’s the word for this year for me for you (?) For me for sure no question mark there.
Flexibility.
Inner and outer the out is the in and the in is the out but inside I feel taller than I am inside I feel stronger than I am outside I feel as full as I do inside.
The balance of strength and flexibility.
A little bit of strength a little bit of open open open open opennnnnnn.

“The time is auspicious” by Sasha at Cafe Novo


Wednesday, January 2, 2013 at Cafe Novo
2:53pm
5 minutes
Radio Drama
David Mamet


The time is auspicious, isn’t it? 2013… Okay. Thirteen has never struck me as anything other than lucky, but I tend to lean towards shameless positivism. Ann Shulgin says: “How do I stop being afraid? Know that there is no safety anywhere. There never was and there never will be. Stop looking for it. Live with a fierce intent to waste nothing of yourself or life.” I’ve learned this by heart, repeating it now for the last four and three quarter minutes, whispering under my breath. The bearded gentlemen beside me regards me with caution and squinted eyes. This is divine inspiration, this is the mantra, this is truth and knowledge and everything in between! How can I be whispering! I’ve been thinking a lot about fear, a lot about what to let go of, what is holding me back, about the unknown that is yet to come. I return again and again to what I know – I am beyond blessed. I am living my dream. I am deeply happy. I return again and again to what I don’t know – everything else.

“I believe my mother” by Julia at Ossington station


Monday, December 31, 2012
12:22pm
5 minutes
Blurred Snapshots in The History of Forgetting
Lawrence Raab


Dear 2012 Me:

I’M BACK! I’m still me but I’m older this year and GUESS WHAT!? I HAVE BREASTS! They are still small, but from an A cup to a B cup, just the way I predicted. What an excitement. I have joined a VOLLEY BALL TEAM, and I got to even play in two whole games! That’s more than Marie-Lynn because she sprained her ankle and didn’t get to play AT ALL! I have made big plans for this coming year. I have decided that I will not contact my birth mother until I learn to play more than just the theme song to SAVED BY THE BELL on the UKELELE. Last year, I was a little bit more easy going but this year, things are going to be harder. MORE WORK! No playing until the work is DONE. That’s what my teacher MISS SCHMIDT says to me. In private mostly, because during class she’s busy teaching, duh. I have had a GREAT year. A REALLY GREAT year. I learned the word DEFIBRILLATOR and I will learn how to spell it by FEBRUARY 2nd. I have also learned that BIG WORDS do not mean YOU ARE SMART. I am smart, says Miss Schmidt, but I need to stop doodling all over my binders in White Out because it gives her a head ache.
I believe my mother (not my birth one) thinks I should try to stay MORE QUIET, MORE OFTEN.