“to make easy” by Julia on her couch

Tuesday October 22, 2019
8:08pm
5 minutes
Zanichelli Italian-English dictionary

the pill comes my way and I swallow, take the skin cells resting on the back of the hand and tilt my head back the way my mother taught me

it is to make it easier to stay up, to endure this shallow thud in the temple reminding me that I have been places and seen people and prepared a space for chaos today

the pill is advertised by the good looking man I live with and he will go as far as to feed it to me so I don’t even need to get off the sofa, unless there is more sorcery in the cupboard

he’s forgetting about

I have always been an easy target and you could say it’s because I want to believe in everything and everyone or on the flipside that I do not read enough of the news paper

in the fifth grade I saved my weather project for the night before and while everyone was saving harrowing news stories about biblical storms, an earthquake down south, a lightning bath off the coast, I cut out 7 clippings of the daily forcast and glued the tiny strips side by side in a binder

“Join the journey” by Julia at her kitchen table


Saturday October 26, 2013
12:15am
5 minutes
the back of the Breton box

I’m very impressionable. I don’t want to see anything I might start to want or think I need cause if I ever do, that’s it. I’m screwed. I’ve tried before to avoid those things, the good, the bad, the everything, but it’s very tricky. It’s hard to live in a box and still try to know what’s going on outside of it. Do I cut holes in the box? Maybe. Do I decide to take the lid off every now and again just to see but tell myself not to feel, not to desire? I know I’m not allowed anywhere near those addictive drugs, or the chocolates that make most women melt. I can’t even try them or I’ll be that way forever: wanting, needing, thinking on, lusting for. I can’t see sunsets or I get depressed when it’s dark. I can’t get daisies for good behaviour because I’ll learn to expect them. I can’t ask anyone else’s opinion before giving my own because if I do that, I’ll never make my own and I’ll just be swayed one way or another. I can’t see images of happy friends or family without wondering why I don’t have those for myself, without wondering if I do have those for myself just not the “right way” or the “right ones”. Like I said, I’ve tried to avoid them all, to ignore them all, to live this life without a single stimulating thing. But how do you unlearn it all?