“Of course we should postpone.” By Sasha on her balcony

Tuesday July 31, 2018
5 minutes
From an e-mail

Typing into Google (the all mighty 8 ball of this century)
“Why am I so tired?”
“How do you know you’re pregnant?”
“How far away is space?”

All these kittens in their bedrooms
Nirvana posters and twinkle lights
condom wrappers and Fruit by the Foot
belly button lint and a card from a grandmother

Searching for God in a screen
little or big same difference
searching for connection alone
little or big same difference

You’re tired because you don’t sleep enough, peanut
You’re pregnant when magic happens and blood doesn’t
Space is here
God is here

Let’s spoon until it’s winter
and make soup
and sing anthems

“I had a big fight with him” by Julia on her couch

Monday December 5, 2016
5 minutes
from an interview transcription

According to my research of you- that I did on the interwebs, you will not be a suitable match for my sister and you will not make her happy even though you look the part and she will deny just how unhappy she is until it is too late. That is why she is not to be trusted in deciding on her own. She saw you and immediately wanted you but failed to do a basic Google search, and I’m sorry but it’s 2016 and this is protocol. This is everyday, okay? Get up, wash face, check e-mails, research potential companions for my sister, conduct a basic Google search to rule out that he is not a) an attempted murderer, b) a stalker, c) an actual murderer, and d) a dentist. I call the shots and you do not pass the test. You are still more in contact with your ex than she is with you and you have claimed, even if it was a joke or even if it did happen during your ignorant youth, that you would choose AJ over Bryan and that shit simply will not fly in my family.

“chemical or thermal irritation” by Julia at Caledonia Park

Wednesday May 6, 2015
5 minutes

According to Gwen’s self-diagnosis, she had 3 days to live and a whole lot of goodbyes to give. I laughed when she said that. “It’s just mild discoloration. You’re fine!” Gwen wasn’t amused. After spending hours googling her “condition” she was convinced that she had the rare unpronounceable disease, and this was, in fact, the very end of the line for her. “You don’t know anything, you’re not a doctor, Ian!”
I laughed again. “Neither are you! Come on, don’t put this stress on yourself, people on there have nothing better to do than to scare perfectly healthy people who are not even close to dying.”
“And if they’re right? Some small chance that this is actually happening? Then what?”

“The play you are about to see” by Sasha on the Queen Streetcar going West

Monday February 24, 2014
5 minutes
The Laramie Project
Moises Kaufman

When Capitalism is in crisis I rejoice. Fuck. What do I even mean by that. I’m not smart. I’m not a thought worthy of the name “idea”. What counts as something or nothing or… I’m not trying to impress you anymore. I’m tired of that charade.

Tonight I told a woman with fake tits and a fur scarf to Google “David Suzuki”. I made a joke about fish and then said something about my main man Suzuki and she looked at me blankly. Oh My God, I thought. She doesn’t know who the fuck that is. Oh good grief. I wrote his name on the back of a chit from the bar and said, “Google him. He’ll blow your mind.”

“friends you never win” by Sasha on her couch

Friday, June 14, 2013
5 minutes
Ethan Allen

“I just googled you,” she said, looking me dead in the eye, wondering if it would phase me. “Oh yeah?” I answered, nonchalant. “Yup!” She was almost annoying. If only she weren’t so fucking good looking. I gave her the “so what?” face. “You wouldn’t believe what I found…” She’s a bitch. A pretty bitch. Shit. I shrugged my shoulders. She stood up. “Nevermind… I should get to work.” She kissed me on the forehead (the FOREHEAD), grabbed her purse and was out the door before I could say, “I love you”. You know what happened next. I bolted to the computer, knocking over the small cat figurine my mother had given me for my last birthday. I googled myself. Not my proudest moment but sometimes such things just have to be done.