“10. going, going, gone” by Sasha in the trundle room

Monday June 15, 2020
5 minutes
alternate names for black boys
Danez Smith

  1. Take a seat and observe how the room twirls and smokes, scoffs and languishes. You are the eye of the storm in your silence and watching.

  2. It’s been so long since you’ve been in a group, since you’ve been at a party, that you don’t remember where to find words or place laughter. You bite your tongue a hundred times before you slice with a something small and the man in the rimmed glasses cocks his head and looks at your breasts.

  3. You wonder how many people here are pretending, how many people are holding in a fart or a pee, how many people really wish they were someplace else, swimming in a cool lake, touching the papery skin of their mother’s forearm.

  4. It used to take you hours to get ready for something like this, standing in front of the mirror, a bottle of tequila on the bathroom counter, swigging and painting your face for battle. Today it took you exactly six minutes to brush your hair and put Vaseline on your unruly eyebrows and chapped lips.

  5. You arrive late, as usual. Toss your jean jacket on the back of a chair, on top of other jean jackets and cardigans. You smile without showing your teeth. You forgot to brush them. You wonder about your breath, and if you’ll even get close enough to anyone to smell their toothpaste, their IPA, their roast chicken dinner.

“I’d say that’s OK” by Sasha at her kitchen table

Thursday Oct 10, 2019
5 minutes
On A Cliff With You
David Allan Cates
A: Would you like to go to the park?
B: NO.
A: But it’s so nice out! It’ll be fun. I promise.
B: I don’t want to go.
A: I’ll push you on the swing…
B: The big kid swing or the baby swing?
A: Your choice.
B: Big kid swing!
A: Deal!
B: But I don’t want to wear my hat!
A: You need to wear your hat.
B: No way!
A: It’s chilly! Your ears will get cold.
B: NO!
A: Ear muffs?
B: NO.
A: Headband?
B: …
A: …
B: Fiiiiiine.
A: Great. Let’s do it. Put on your boots please.
B: I want to wear my Crocs.
A: It’s too cold for Crocs, my darling.
A: …
A: I’m going to start putting on my boots, and whenever you’re ready –
A: Hey. Darling. Please stop shouting.
B: I don’t want to wear my boooooooots!
A: I can see that. What about your runners?
B: My runners make my toes itchy!
A: They do?
B: Yeah.
A: What about if you wear your purple socks inside your runners?
B: The sparkly socks?
A: Yeah!

“to achieve perfect personal silence” by Sasha at her kitchen table

Thursday December 3, 2015
5 minutes
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
Maya Angelou

The doorbell rings.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

“One second!”

It won’t be, but that’s what you’re supposed to say, right?

I’m not dressed. I’m not even close to dressed. I don’t even have underwear on. I’m naked.

I run to the kitchen and reach for the bottle of tequila on top of the fridge.

It burns! It burns!



I run into the bedroom and grab jeans, bra, a T-shirt.

“a real nice desk-sofa” by Sasha on her steps

Wednesday June 11, 2014
5 minutes
A quote from Ian

We wore fake eyelashes. I can’t even believe it. We put them on, standing on the sofa, looking in the mirror that stretched across the wall. We wore fake eyelashes and then we rode our bikes to a club and then I kissed the bouncer and bypassed the line.

The morning after (the night before), the mascara is under the eyes, no longer on the lashes, the lashes are free. The pores are open and alive and taking in every ounce of what’s unfamiliar. “Want some tea?” Run, run to the bathroom to wash the face to look, to see the newness and the day and what might be there. Wrapped in a towel, covered body but naked face.

I know lots of people that are a lot worse. I know lots of people that haven’t left the house without foundation since they were thirteen. I look at women’s faces at the restaurant and see a different color from chin to neck. You aren’t fooling anyone. I can see through that. I can see through the double D’s, double heels, tanning bed, wax wax wax away the animal. We are animals. I am an animal.