“It must be nice to hold” by Sasha at her desk

Thursday June 27, 2019
12:00pm
5 minutes
Calypso
David Sedaris

It must be nice to hold
a drink
in the “C”
of your hand
a beer
unassuming
assured

and flirt
like the person
you are

Pin the tail on
the wife
holding you back
from the truth
while God laughs
while the wife laughs

You
are the only
one who can
hold yourself
back from the truth
my love
my hate
my heart
my fate

My fear
is not as big
as the mouth
of a whale

“flat-out rejected” by Julia at her dining table


Tuesday May 10, 2016
9:09pm
5 minutes
http://howlround.com/submitting-like-a-man-we-have-a-winner

I told him how I feel and he said nothing. Well that’s not entirely true, I suppose, he did say “Ciao.” Like I said, you can call me sometime other than for Halloween and he said, Okay, ciao. With this weird sliminess that I wasn’t expecting from him. And he never did call me. And then he stopped coming for brunch. And I swear he came to that terrible restaurant too many weekends in a row for him to not have had an ulterior motive. And once he helped me clean behind the bar when we were understaffed and I got slammed. He manned the glass-washer. And he made me a couple coffees. And when I tell him to call me, he says, “Ciao”? I guess part of me wondered if I was supposed to learn the “don’t assume shit lesson” because I assumed he liked me. Because he acted like he liked me. He tipped huge. He asked me for opinions on his flooring. And he introduced me to his friends? He even came to eat at the new shitty restaurant I was working at after I left the first one.

“$1.79” by Julia at Ossington Station


Thursday, March 14, 2013
9:54pm
5 minutes
Receipt
Second Nature Natural Foods


Ha ha, she says as she scrapes the back of my teeth. This is where your soul is. I have my mouth ripped open by a girl that likes to experiment. Do you like my lips? She asks. What am I supposed to say, I can’t talk. Mmhm, I say. Mhm. She says you can touch them if you want to. Nuh Uh, I say. I don’t want to touch her at all..
You have 56 cavities, she tells me. All of them are from candy corn and licorice. I nod slightly. She’s right. How did she know that? I feel like we’ve been friends since birth.
No way..
You have cavities? I ask? Except with her hands in my mouth it sounds like, yerr ahh avaheees? She smiles.
She does. She shows me. From candy corn too, she says. From candy corn and licorice. I smile through spread lips and a bucking tongue. Good. I think. We’re the same.