“connection as friends.” by Julia at the studio

Monday, March 5, 2018
5 minutes
I Know How You Feel
F. Diane Barth

When we first met I wanted to like you. I wanted to like you and I liked
you. I said “She and I are going to be friends.” I said we were, and we
were. I learned that If I wanted something, believd in the wanting, in the
why, then I would get what I wanted. I tried that out on other friends too,
just to see. It worked. I wanted to like them and I liked them. I said “We
are going to be friends and we were friends. Maybe you could make the
connection that I made us have the connection. You could infer that I was the
one who brought us floating together in the same orbit to begin with. Afterall,
if you wanted us to be friends, wouldn’t you have made us friends?
You might interrupt here and tell me that we are friends because we both wanted
us to be friends. We made the connection in tandem. Made, a verb, an action,
a choice. I know that this is not the case because I did all of the work. I
showed you my whole thumping heart. I bled out when it was not convenient.
You said yes. But you waited for me to go first.You didn’t want it as bad as me.

“the channeling of heavenly love” by Julia at her dining table

Tuesday November 8, 2016
5 minutes

But of course he’ll leave before we resolve anything because he wasn’t meant to stay. He didn’t pack anything for overnight. He didn’t bring a toothbrush or his stamina to fight. He didn’t want to get cozy in the curve of me because he was afraid he would want to stay and he couldn’t stay. He had already committed to his other life and I was not welcome in that one. I had to ask him, Why Did You Come Back Then? And he told me, I Felt A Pull On My Heart Like I Was A Puppet and I Couldn’t Lead My Own Way. I asked, What Kind Of Pull? A Cosmic One? The Kind You Have In A Dream? He told me, It Was The Channeling of Heavenly Love And It Made Me Want To Find The Source. But of course he’ll leave before we both understand what that means, and of course he won’t consider that the source is quite obviously me.

“Stacking wood” by Julia on her couch

Sunday January 19, 2014
5 minutes
Stacking Wood
Mimi Lipton and Thorston Duser

you gotta know one thing about me
love loving things and the things i love i love with every part
is that two things?
you gotta know em both, and can’t forget one half of it
they go together
they just do
so the things i love, i tell you, i love them sometimes without cause
no definite reason or explanation
why do we have to explain why we love anyway?
you know? love and let love
is that saying?
who cares
so the things
i just want to tell you before you go away
just in case they’re things you never get to know about me and maybe one day, who knows, you might need to know it all
they’re small things
that’s the first thing you should know
i love small things
small size
small shapes
small versions of bigger things
ketchup bottles are better small!
i bet you never thought that before
i think that all the time
what’s better and how it’s better and why
no why or how do i love them but i understand their formats and things
and so there’s that thing
the small things thing
and then the stacked wood
that’s a thing, or a million things depending on how you look at it
i don’t know why i love it the way i do
or that people i love know that i love it and then get me great coffee table books of it
and it’s just as beautiful as you might believe in book form
like a small version of a real one and then it’s two things i love rolled into one
i also love two-for-ones or two-birds-one-stone scenarios
feels like fate is finally a thing i can sink my heart into
you know, when stuff like that exists and you can see them having every purpose imaginable?

“Each day drawn back to show” by Julia on her couch

Monday January 13, 2014
5 minutes
Life’s Veil
Kieran Dockerty

I’m proud of you, you know. I know you don’t want my pride for you because you think it’s selfishly taking credit for something that is not my own, but that is not the kind of proud that I am. I am proud of you in the normal usage of the word. This new agey reclaiming of words that were doing just fine before everyone started deciding they were offended by them is not what I’d even consider meaning. I know your success is not because of me, but I am proud of the person I know you to be and the struggles you’ve overcome and the achievements you have worked so hard for. In the way that shows I know how much work you’ve put in. Okay so trying to explain it doesn’t give it a better sounding ring. I understand that. But before saying something like that to your very own kid never had such an effect. They actually wanted to hear it, if you can believe that. It wasn’t a crime before. Hearing it alone was, in fact, the accomplishment.

“you can ride on its back” by Julia on her couch

Thursday, January 2, 2014
5 minutes
The Yak
A poem by Hilaire Belloc

It will take you where you want to go and you wont even need to say the name of the place…it just knows. It’s part of you, but you don’t have to recognize that if you think it takes some of the romance out of the situation…like explaining that a shooting star is really just the visible path of a meteoroid as it enters the atmosphere, becoming a meteor. Sort of takes the wind out; sort of brings it back down to earth in the same way..
But that’s why it works. I just want to be real about it, let you know what you should know.
It’s part of you and so it knows better than anyone else. But forget it, we don’t have to discuss this kind of thing anymore. It’s not really necessary. It’s just extra, in case you’re curious about self-actualizing at all…not that you have to be. But. You see, I’m nervous. I can’t quit day dreaming about being there for the first day you meet yourself. It’s like hearing a baby say his or her first word, and that first word being ‘mama’. It’s life-changing. And I’m just excited for you when that happens. When your world takes off. It will take you exactly where you want to go.

“Featured Products” by Julia at El Cafecito

Thursday, November 28, 2013 at El Cafecito
5 minutes

I’ve been on a particular website, I won’t name names cause I’m embarrassed, but for maybe hours now. I haven’t eaten one single solitary thing all day, because you can’t count a decaf latte, and I don’t even feel the hunger anymore. It’s like my drive kicked in and all I need is to watch…those…videos….no, not videos! Just the “featured products” on the site….not videos! That’s stupid! There’s nothing worth talking about with regards to the videos. In fact, what videos? Ha! I’ll tell you they’d just be the regular type if they were being watched at all! I’d just have to say that the “products” being “featured” are really addictive. Sort of in a way that makes you feel satisfied and content without having to do anything yourself. And I mean, just looking at them, not watching them, because they’re not videos. Above all else I feel relief. Just a lot of relief and excitement about my next coming hours, not necessarily revolving around the same thing, but just knowing I saw them….knowing I witnessed them in some form, not in a moving picture form, I told you, just…Oh I wish I could tell you. I wish you would understand, but you won’t. You won’t and then things will only be medium good. I’ll be thinking about how you don’t understand and I won’t be able to enjoy it the same way at all.