“Health and Beauty Aids” by Julia at the Sheraton in Philadelphia

Monday April 21, 2014
5 minutes
A sign in Parkdale

Haven’t considered Oshawa? Wow! You’re gonna be in for a treat! One of those places you really oughtta see before you die, eh Margie?
Oh exactly, you just have to visit. Great for your health and one of a kind landscape! And the people! Don’t get me started on them!
You guys, stop it. I’m not going to die! And even if I were I don’t think I’d put Oshawa on my top destination list.
You’re being a bit rude, Liam! It’s a beautiful place. Your mother and I wouldn’t talk about a city like that without anything to back it up, huh Marge?
Oh honey, your father’s right. He’s always right. But if I can be candid, he did have to convince me too!
I wasn’t always aboard the Oshawa train, but now I’m on it and it’s full steam ahead!
Choo chooo!
Oh Peter, I love it when you do that! Chugga chugga chugga chugga.
Chugga chugga Choo choo!
Okay, okay, stop.
What, honey, is it too much? We just get a real kick out of it.
I know.
And I don’t think it would kill you to visit us every now and again, that’s all.

“FANDEMONIUM” by Julia at Sambuca Grill

Tuesday, September 17, 2013 at Sambuca Grill
5 minutes
From the front page of the Toronto Metro Wednesday, September 11, 2013

“And the crowd goes wild haaaaaa and they’re begging to see Jareth take off his shirt haaaaaaaa and everyone is shouting but it sounds like a whisper haaaaaaaa
And everyone is begging and crying because the sheer sight of him alone makes people weep with love and joy and madness haaaaaaaaa!!”

Jareth leaps from his bed to the floor of his bedroom in his shitty basement apartment. He’s been living at 43 Summits Dr. since early October of 2011. He still dreams of rocking out to a real guitar instead of the air guitar he’s gotten so good at playing while he’s alone. Jareth is a dream journal analyst and still calls his mother everyday after work. He is a normal dude in every sense of the word, except he still acts like the 11 year old version of himself….And he’s a dream journal analyst.