“Fine then, you get out.” By Sasha at her desk


Saturday May 13, 2017
9:34am
5 minutes
Oil and Water
Robert Chafe


Budgie makes the sign of the cross whenever I mention Anton.

“We’ve been dating for almost three months,” I say. “You’re really going to have to come around.”

Budgie never liked when I made a new friend, let alone went on dates with someone. Scared Henry McAlister away, in fact. He’d be sitting in the window, like a statue when we left and we got home. Did he move when we were out eating burgers and seeing a show at the Dominion? No one knows.

“Humph,” Budgie says, opening a can of 7Up.

“You should really stop drinking that stuff,” I say, wiping a layer of dust off of the coffee table. “It has about twelve teaspoons of sugar in it, Budg, and it’s not even ten o’clock!”

“Can you take that out of the oven?” by Julia on her couch


Thursday December 15, 2016
9:20pm
5 minutes
Overheard in my mother’s kitchen

-If Rachel is going to be in one of her moods–I’m gonna be honest–I don’t think I’ll be able to be around her.

-Quin. Come on. It’s not going to be like that.

-I’m not kidding, babe,like I’m not going to do well in a setting like that.

-So what are you saying then.

-I’m just saying.

-Okay. But that she’s what?

-I’m just saying that I know she will 100% be in one of her moods and it will 100% destroy my time there and maybe everyone’s. So I don’t want to go if Rachel is there. Not this year.

-I can’t believe you would ditch me and my entire family’s Christmas because my sister is going through her things.

-I need this year to be good. This new year of good decisions and good behaviour and good food and good drugs. I can’t truly embrace my year if I’m anywhere near the things your sister is going through.

“I’m ecstatic to announce” by Julia on the reading chair


Friday September 30, 2016
7:34am
5 minutes
a Facebook post

There’s a new woman in my father’s life. He has been hiding it from me since they started seeing each other and maybe he had good intentions and maybe he was just being a coward. Either way, I got a Save The Date in the mail for three proposed coffee occasions that the new woman in my father’s life would like me to choose between. I think it’s funny that she chose not to even bother sending a singing telegram! Who doesn’t love getting an embossed card in the mail with tiny kitties in silver dresses, asking me, not to meet her, but to pick a time that I’d like to meet her. Then what happens when I send this back? Wait two weeks to get another Save The Date for a cappuccino and a butter tart?

“enables you to become the master” by Sasha at Moksha Yoga Vancouver


Friday May 13, 2016
9:20pm
5 minutes
The Curl Keeper Bottle

You ask for a pic but I’m not versed in this language of yellow smiley faces and acronyms if that’s even what you call them
I send you a photograph of my plate licked clean after pasta with tomato sauce and zucchini fried in olive oil with garlic
It confuses you and I wonder about how this could ever happen beyond this month this year this apartment
You ask for a pic again and I send you one of my mother as a baby sitting on a blanket with a woman who isn’t a relative
You send back a question mark just that a squiggle of black and a dot and I say
“It’s a baby! What do you want?”
I don’t tell you it’s my mother as a baby as that’s too intimate that’s too close that lineage too sticky

“a signal he was about to shut down.” by Julia on the 9


Thursday May 12, 2016
10:48pm
5 minutes
Bolt
Russell Wangersky


I remember asking him if he wanted to sleep over–it might have been the third or fourth time. We had just gotten home from a nice dinner, I had just peed myself in the laundry room and was cleaning it up with dryer lint while he waited for me upstairs in my room, you know, just a casual Friday night, and I thought he was going to say yes this time. I was cautious, I made sure the moment was right, made sure I was feeling his vibe, and then boom: another no. I assumed naturally, as one does, that it was either because he could smell remnants of secret urine off my legs (though I had washed them well enough in the bathroom sink before returning to my room), or that he was about to break up with me.

“the conscious mind” by Julia on her couch


Friday March 11, 2016
4:19pm
5 minutes
A quote by Janet Burroway

Barshum tells me to meet him at the art supply store near Granville and I have to fight my urge to ask him if it’s a date. I don’t really want to know. I’m trying this new thing that probably isn’t actually new to the world but is to me that I learned when I was living in Naples for a semester abroad. The people there all hang out and enjoy each other’s company and nobody is actively trying to bang anyone. When I asked once if Martina was going to the movie looking for love, she laughed, shook her head, and then laughed again. In her broken English she said, (and I’ve interpreted) we don’t go out for more than just fun. If something else happens, okay, great, that’s a bonus. But if nothing happens, then no one is disappointed because no one was wearing a mask over their ulterior motives.

so…I’m trying not to have a second end in mind. Maybe no end at all would be better.

“I really like hugs” by Julia on her couch


Monday November 30, 2015
11:00pm
5 minutes
overheard at the Vancouver Poetry Slam

I showered for this. I just want you to know that. It’s that level of important to me. You are that level of important to me. This is harder than I want it to be. I hope you won’t make me explain in different words cause I’m not too good at that part either. I am trying though. You said something to me the other day when you came over to my house with scones or whatever when my roommate was out? You said it’s nice to spend time together outside of work. And I wanted to tell you that I think so too and if I don’t seem like I agree, I just don’t know how to…meet you there quite yet. Not in the way that I want to. If you know what I–because I. You know. I’m sure you know. Also kick butt tonight. I know you’re gonna crush it. All the math and stuff.

“I can go by myself” by Julia outside Whole Foods


Friday, September 4, 2015
1:45pm
5 minutes
Overheard at the library

I didn’t think I could stand another minute of Bryan and his “band” covering Bob Dylan or Bob Marley or Bob Seger. They didn’t seem like the type of “band” that could easily do renditions of such different styles of music. It’s like, just pick one, you know what I mean? Bryan was trying to impress me because I told him once I’d never dated a musician before. That was a lie, cause Joe in high school played the drums and we dated for 5 whole months before I realized I didn’t want to marry him. Also, Matt, the busboy at the tequila bar, was a very good kisser and he happened to play the flute during his elementary school production of The Snake Charmer.

“And now I know he’s not my soulmate” by Sasha at UBC


Wednesday March 18, 2015
1:16pm
5 minutes
overheard at aroma espresso bar

Lying beside G., he smells like salami and body odour or maybe his body odour is salami-like
And now I know he’s not my soulmate
My soulmate’s sweat will smell like pinecones
Looking across the table at A., he chews like a rabbit (all front teeth) and it’s even stranger because we’re eating sushi
I down a half bottle of sake (come on, they’re small)
And now I know he’s not my soulmate
My soulmate will chew mostly with his molars
Flecks of rice will not escape when he leans in to tell me about the shower gel at his gym
Walking beside Z., he always keeps a half-step ahead of me, preferring that I always be in “catch-up” mode
And now I know he’s not my soulmate
My soulmate will walk with me, side-by-side, fingers grazing like blades of grass

I trust signs
It’s a sign
There’s a sign
And there, too

“bless his heart” by Sasha at her kitchen table


Sunday January 4, 2015
9:45pm
5 minutes
http://www.mynewroots.com

He wore his bow tie, bless his heart. And it even looks like he shined his shoes! I didn’t even know people do that anymore! I didn’t know that was a thing. He probably wants to have sex with me, what with the ironed shirt and all. Cufflinks – holy eff! He’s wearing little dolphin cufflinks.

We are making sushi, or, rather, rolling it. He has the ingredients laid out and neither of us has done it before so it’s a sticky situation. I keep licking my fingers and he keeps dipping his into the tiny bowls of warm water he’s provided for both of us. He’s all about the carrot and I’m all about the avocado. Says a lot about someone – what they choose to put in their home made hand rolls. He doesn’t have any crab because his roommate is deathly allergic. A-okay. I’m not that into it anyway. We are listening to an array of music – Cheryl Crow to Robin Thicke. He seems much more into the former. I look over at his fish, Kinky Boots, and I see that he’s belly up. Oh oh! “Um… I’m afraid that Kinky Boots has, uh…” He finishes rolling and looks at me seductively.

“Sunset and the city” by Sasha on her couch


Monday October 20, 2014
8:11am
5 minutes
The front cover of a notebook

Aw yeah, I was totally “catfish-ed”, man… I mean, I don’t wanna like, over share or anything, but I totally had my heartbroken. I met this woman online, like three years ago and we talked every night on the MSN Messenger. She said she was in Burnaby, but we worked opposite shifts. She worked at a hospital and I work in a factory so, like, we couldn’t really easily, like meet up, you know? And everyone says, “You were stupid about it,” and I wasn’t, I mean, I felt something for this person. I felt more for her than I felt for my ex of ten years… That’s not even a lie. And, so was Asian right, Chinese and she sent me a picture, like, there wasn’t even a photo on her profile, it was just her words that really got me, and she sent me a picture and I was totally like “Holy shit,” because she was a knockout. And we’d have these five hour conversations, I’d stay up all night, and I was, I was falling in love with her. And then I showed her picture to my friend Tony and Tony is Chinese too and he was like, she looks familiar. And I was like, oh shit! Maybe you know her or something… Turns out the picture was of a pretty famous Chinese actress. You ever heard of Li Bingbing? Yeah…

“I don’t understand why I sleep all day” by Sasha in her garden


Saturday June 28 2014
6:27pm
5 minutes
No Rain
Blind Melon


When I first met Bobby, we were at a party just off campus. He was tall and muscular and he smoked drum. We talked about not being from this city and what it was like to miss home. He kissed me by the shrubs and asked for my phone number. We dated, on and off, for three years. It was really good for the first year, okay the second year and by the third year I was running to my friend Tina’s place with bruises on my ribs and tears on my cheeks. Bobby grew up with three older brothers. They were ruthless with eachother – any time he’d speak about his childhood I would cringe. One night, I went into the den where Bobby was watching TV. I could see the fog over his head, rage was on it’s way. I looked at him and said, “I’m leaving you for two months. If you don’t get help in that time, I’m gone for good.” I packed a knapsack and went to stay with my mother. What Bobby didn’t know is that I was pregnant. When I got to my mother’s I slept all day for the first week. The second week, I roasted lots of vegetables and cried to my mother about the dream of happiness and health evaporating.

“I said karate and she thought I said karaoke” by Julia on her bed


Monday June 9, 2014
1:12am
5 minutes
overheard on Bloor St.

This broad, I mean, get your hearing checked, you knowwhati’msaying? She had one finger in her ear and one finger god knows where. It was like she was trying to fuck with me. And I’m there all easy breezy, you know? Cause I’m trying so hard to let her know she’s not getting to me, but we’re on this date, youknowwhati’msaying? It was one of those match.com dates or what have you because I was having a hard time out in the real world, you get me? Ha! That’s a joke! She was my cousin Jodi’s boss’ sister in law’s friend. I wouldn’t do those dating sites if they were the last option on this planet, youknowwhati’msaying? Anyways, I’m telling her some stories about my childhood and the classes I used to take, and for a brief sting there, I was taking dance classes and also karate which is why I mention the dancing cause the karate, you know, it cancels it out. And this broad! She thinks I said Karaoke! Who takes a friggen karaoke class, youknowhati’msaying?

“Negotiate with agents” by Julia at her friend’s table in Ottawa


Friday, October 4, 2013
1:09pm
5 minutes
What Is Dramaturgy
Literary Managers and Dramaturgs of the Americas


Waiting at the cross walk for you to come meet me at the corner of where our houses meet. It really is a wonderful thing how close the two of us live to each other. When I first saw you at the coffee shop we both like to go to, I just thought we had the same taste in espresso..I didn’t know we were neighbours. In fact, I didn’t know we were neighbours for a very long time. You didn’t ever seem to be leaving your place or entering it at the same time as me. It, to be honest, feels a bit like we’re meeting to go on a blind date, even though I’ve seen you so many times before and even had mini conversations with you at the coffee counter. Part of me keeps thinking it’s too good to be true, being so closely housed to you. I’m afraid that you’d rather keep me separate from your life, which is silly because I haven’t proven to be anything but pleasant yet. Not that you would find me unpleasant with time, or intolerable. I’m not clingy like that. I like my own space very much and just because we’re close to each other doesn’t mean I will be expecting to see you at all times, or expect you to invite me to every single one of your events that take place at your home. I’m really not like that. But if, for whatever reason, you want me to come to those things, I would not say no, don’t get me wrong. I am a good drinker. And I quite enjoy playing cards.