“since I let myself think about” by Julia on her couch

Sunday December 1, 2019
8:06pm
5 minutes
I Never Liked Your Friends
Alexandria Maillot

mushrooms and pizza crust
mountains of cheese
decadent pudding
vanilla milkshakes
black cherry yogurt
mint chocolate
driveby burger dorritos
roti
roti
roti
hazelnut cream sea-shells
nutella filled donuts
double-baked almond croissant
lemon meringue pie
zia’s easy cheesecake
zia’s tiramisu
zia’s porcini mushroom gnocci
zia’s sweet-milk tarts

“you need to do better, Kev.” By Sasha at her desk

Monday July 1, 2019
6:50pm
5 minutes
From an instagram story

Kev keeps bringing me chocolates and I’ve told him not to a million times and he just keeps doing it and I don’t know what to even say anymore. I’ve asked him nicely, like, “Hey, I know you are trying to do something sweet and I appreciate you for thinking of me and bringing me a gift but please stop bringing me chocolate.” I’ve laid down the law, “Kev, I’ve told you before, do not bring me chocolate or anything sugary!” I’ve even tried to be really honest, “I do not have a healthy relationship with these things and having them around isn’t good for me! You need to do better, Kev!” But then, he comes to visit last weekend and what does he arrive with? A big ass box of Purdy’s. ARGH!

“Then it went shooting back from the window.” by Julia at the studio

Tuesday April 10, 2018
12:45pm
5 minutes
Pope Hats
Ethan Rilly

I think it was a raven, you said it was a crow. Either way we’re both inside the house, close to the maple candied pecans, and not planning on leaving to prove the other one wrong. I love Sundays. You don’t make me put on pants, and I don’t make you put down your gingerale. We argue about which birds are hanging out on our back porch, but we’re not angry. We’re not anything that is not easy. Easy as Sunday morning, and Sunday afternoon! We’ve got scrambled eggs and chocolate eggs! We’ve got rich cheeses and no place to be-ses! When the sun sets we don’t miss the day. We say hello to the stars from the couch and we count commercials instead of hours. We put on something more comfortable than before. We’ve earned the night. We rest like it’s the last day before you leave again. And it is the last day before you leave again. We do not waste a second.

“it’s too much sugar” by Sasha on the 17


Tuesday July 11, 2017
4:46pm
5 minutes
Overheard in the ride share

Gemima says that sometimes she goes to Church and gets turned on hearing the pastor speak about Heaven and Hell and demons and Mother Mary. She always eats Reese’s before going to Church. There’s a ceremonial feeling to unwrapping the three cups, laying them out on the kitchen table. She even says a quick grace. Her father didn’t let them eat any candy growing up because he was convinced that his sister had gotten throat cancer from constantly sucking on peppermint candies.

“Not even sure” by Sasha on her balcony


Sunday July 9, 2017
7:13pm
5 minutes
Overheard on West 14th

Maggie makes a face at herself in the reflection of the window. It’s her third overnight shift in a row and she has that sandy feeling in her eyes. The intercom buzzes.

“Hello and welcome to Cupcakes on the Go, how can I serve you?”

“I need thirty six chocolate cupcakes, please, and one red velvet.”

“I’m sorry, sir, we only have – …” Maggie motions for Jamal to check the chocolate count.

“We only have three chocolate cupcakes left tonight.”

“But, but, I need thirty six, I need thirty six chocolate cupcakes and one red velvet.”

“The bakers won’t be in until five, sir. My apologies.”

“Do you have the red velvet?”

Jamal nods, but gives a look like he isn’t sure about this guy. Maybe he’s doing a prank. Maybe he’s going to shoot us with a water gun or something and film it and send it to one of those comedy websites.

“we are in a war to the death” by Sasha in the air


Wednesday February 18, 2015
10:30am
5 minutes
The War of Art
Steven Pressfield


When we found the wreckage
we weren’t sure what we were seeing
Arms there
And eyelashes
Fingers and collarbones

You made a joke about the apocalypse
I ate a chocolate bar
We had sex
The sky was purple and grey

We are in a war
Death is there
Yes
And so is the morning

Fires burn low
Bright like when we used to dream about
Hollywood
You’re skeptical of kindness

“I like chocolate!” by Julia on her couch


Sunday February 15, 2015
12:51am
5 minutes
overheard at Caffe W

Woah, that’s, that there is my one and only weakness. My one and only true love…or you know, weakness because I love it. I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about. I’m not the only one and I know that, but it’s still a thing that I have to say out loud before we do this. I just don’t want you to have any false notions about who I am, or what I do, or what I’ll choose when push comes to shove. I choose my beautiful weakness, my beautiful soulmate. And in case you need explaining, it’s not you, or anyone you might know. It’s mint chocolate, okay? Is that what you need to hear to understand fully? It’s a delicious and cool mint chocolate and I would rather die than go a single day without a piece. I was hoping you’d bring it up this early just so I could address this thing before the beast rears its ugly head and you don’t know how to handle it, or me, or the commitment I’ve made to it. This is only a good thing.

“I like chocolate!” by Sasha at Caffe W


Sunday February 15, 2015
2:10pm
5 minutes
overheard at Caffe W

I don’t want that shit. It’s nasty! It’s sticky and it slides around my mouth like it thinks it knows where it’s going but it DON’T. You’ve got that look like I’ve said something wrong but really I’m just trying to practice truthfulness, like that stinky yoga teacher talks about. Everyone makes such a big deal about chocolate but I do not get it. I really don’t! Maybe it’s a woman thing. I’m not an oppressor of women, or anything so don’t get the wrong idea, I just know what women do around chocolate and I’ve never seen a man do that. It’s borderline sexually erotic. Chocolate is. For women. Are you gonna finish that burrito? I would. I mean, if you’re not going to. Are you coming to Becca’s Mad Men party on Saturday? I haven’t decided yet… I mean, I like an excuse to wear a suit and tie, but I’m allergic to cats and Becca has three. It’s like, either I take the anti-histamines and pray to the allergy gods that they work or I…

“I never have before” by Sasha on her couch


Monday January 5, 2015
11:01pm
5 minutes
from a tweet by Anne Lamott

It was better than it used to be but it wasn’t the best. This is part of it. This is the ache before the growth spurt, at least that’s what you tell yourself. When you crawl to the kitchen, lips dry, eyes only partly open, you wonder when the sun might reach a ray out from under the cloud cover. It’s hard to find the light when there isn’t any. The doctor says: no more booze, no more pills, no more smokes, no more chocolate. What’s the point then? You mother would laugh and pour herself a double scotch. Who knows what your father would do. You drink a diet cola and wish it had something deeper, grungier, skunkier in it. You smile at the photo of your nephew on the fridge. You’ve never met him, but you will.

“to listen to when feeling nostalgic” by Julia at her desk


Tuesday November 25, 2014
1:23am
5 minutes
from a YouTube comment

No, no, I’ve learned by now that I shouldn’t be allowed to be left alone..Not with chocolate. Ok, fine, Deena, not with THE salted caramel chocolate. In the BARS, alright? Because, Deena, don’t. No, cause I don’t want to be forced to admit something. I know who I am, obviously. What am I supposed to say that it’s better than sex? WHO WOULDN’T SAY IT IS? You even would say that it is. And I know this because I see the way your face narrows when you hear me describing it. You’d like to think very much that I believe you’re jotting down notes and observations and judgments about my dependency but I know you’re just drawing one big O and tracing it over and over again. You’re a little hypocrite. There’s no such thing as just one piece, everyone KNOWS THAT, DEENA.

“I remember needing nothing” By Julia at her desk in Bologna


Wednesday October 15, 2014
11:33pm
5 minutes
Minute Eternity
David Whyte


I called him up after, I don’t know, maybe it was forever. Who’s counting, maybe he is. I’m not. I’m not counting anymore. I called him up after a year, could have been two, and I did it so I could hear the way his breath sounds. That’s all I wanted. Nothing more, and I swear it to you because I’m already spilling my guts here so you can trust that all of this is true. I was counting the days, crossing them off on a list like someone who gives themselves a gold star for every cookie they don’t eat, or a chocolate for every day until Christmas. I wasn’t eating my feelings this time because that didn’t interest me. It didn’t feel good to order two pizzas and finish them both without even a single flinch. That was the thing I knew I didn’t need anymore. But I was obsessed with trying to convince myself that I could keep going, one day at a time, without thinking of him. I was in withdrawal, or something equally as lame, and I had a problem. Either I would call him up and tell him all the things I shouldn’t, or count the days that I didn’t but wanted to.

“study and travel” By Julia in her bed in Bologna


Sunday October 5,2014
10:50pm
5 minutes
from a Facebook post

I am at the part of the journey where I want to turn back because my head is swirling and my heart aches a bit. It’s the part you’d recognize in a relationship where right after the Honeymoon phase, it turns into a troubling time. Where the fruit isn’t as sweet, where the “out loud” ideas are nowhere near as good, where the smell of feet begins to make itself present in every room and conversation. I’m there now. It’s like, yes, I know I love it (you), and it’s going to be worth it (us) in the end, but right now the only thing that will make me happy is laying in bed with a stack of dark chocolate and a bottle of limonata. Alone. Completely alone. It’s the hard part where things are really different. You just start seeing the world without that rose and laced veil. Mostly because it’s a lot of work being absolutely and utterly alone. Even though it’s what you want most for yourself so you can be yourself.

“and the world steps in” by Sasha on the Jane bus


Saturday April 25, 2014
1:24pm
5 minutes
Revelation Must be Terrible
David Whyte


The smell of the rosemary is the same. The smell of the cedar is the same, a little damper, a little more fragrant. I’m more afraid of darkness, but that’s just because there’s less of it. I’m tired, but I know it’s because I’ve been eating too much chocolate and bread and some might say I’m allergic to both but I love them so I just keep trucking. My favourite blanket is dotted with marks of it’s history, and it’s rarely around my shoulders or gripped tightly in my clenched fist. It sits at the foot of my bed and only gets pulled up on the coldest nights. I’m no longer worried about grey hair at my temples, or bits of celery and broccoli clogging the drain of the kitchen sink. I’m no longer fighting for the last word.

“microcosmic model” by Sasha at Cherry Bomb Coffee


Tuesday April 8, 2014 at Cherry Bomb Coffee
5:59pm
5 minutes
Freeing Shakespeare’s Voice
Kristin Linklater


Well, here we are. You’re taller than you looked in your picture. And your beard! I like it! You look… rugged. More rugged than in your picture… I mean, your picture is good, I could tell you put effort in but… How long have you been on Plenty of Fish? I’m new to it. I’m new to all of this actually. I’m married. I mean, I was married. I’m… separated. And you should also know that my husband, my ex-husband, excuse me, we, we still share a house. It’s complicated because we have a business together? We work out of our kitchen. We make chocolate. We make chocolate bars. Fair trade. They’re, like, the best. ChocoLove. Have you heard of us? They carry our product mostly in health food stores but we’re in talks with Lawblaws to get in there too. But keep that on the DL. Chris would kill me if he knew I’d told you. Do you want one? I always carry a bar or two in my bag, for moments like this. When someone isn’t familiar with our product, you know? I have Caramel Crunch and 75% Dark? He knows I’m here. He knows I’m dating… Chris, my husband, ex-husband, shit, I really need to stop doing that. He knows. He actually encouraged me to go on one of those sites… My sister-in-law, God! My ex-sister-in-law, she met her partner Liz on LavaLife. There’s a lot of inspiring stories.

“Serving 4 blocks” by Sasha at her desk


Thursday, December 20, 2012
12:46am
5 minutes
From the back of a Godiva chocolate bar

I’m not sure where to start, really. I think it started somewhere near Whitehorse – the snow, the hail, the big buffalo clouds. My cell phone lost reception and I was afraid that if I pulled over the other cars on the road wouldn’t be able to see me and I’d be more at risk. I’d never driven so many hours before, I’d never been alone, province after province, stopping for tea and a “hello” with gas station attendants, just to make sure my voice still worked. I could barely see the road in front of me. I was crying and praying, neither of which I do regularly by any stretch of the imagination. I decided I needed something divine, I needed an intervention. I turned up the Arcade Fire. I took a deep breath. With my eyes on the road and one hand on the wheel, my other hand reached around in my pack for the chocolate bar that Fran had given me before I left Salt Spring Island. I ripped open the package and broke off a square. I laughed out loud at the insanity of my desire to drive to the North. I laughed at my unwavering desire to make it to the Reservation before the end of the month. I sucked on the chocolate, just like Fran taught me, the flecks of sea salt and caramel melting on my tongue like angel snowflakes.