“a constant nagging of hopelessness.” by Julia at Rebar, Seattle

Tuesday August 28, 2018
7:41pm
5 minutes
My Tongue’s Memory
Antonette Rea

she drags her feet around the house. downstairs neighbours call her elephant snail. add them to the list. sister used the term “horse failure”. She’s a bit low to the ground these days. easy to trip over. easy to pretend you didn’t see. she’s been here since last October when the last blue sky made an appearance. been bumming ciggarettes from all the corner people. spiders too, lending something for her to get caught up in. But even they won’t touch her. They string her up with her own sadness. use her as bait for the silver fish to lick her to death. sometimes she lives at the back of the throat. steallig all the good swallows.

“The liar’s punishment” by Julia at her desk

Wednesday April 25, 2018
6:47am
5 minutes
From a quote by George Bernard Shaw

Five minutes isn’t long enough
to tell you
about the consequences of running away
Each movie sounds like your fear through the
megaphone of your worried heart beat
Each character flaw revealed stirs up your
blood and what if you start bleeding
right here
right now
You will think it is your job from this moment
on to live with the secret heavy that has been
pulling you down slowly, slowly
The sweet stillness will be sickened with dread
and what if dread lives in the elbow skin
collecting at the crease
turning soft into sweat

“You said not to read his old texts” by Julia on her couch


Thursday August 31, 2017
11:58pm
5 minutes
From confidential sides

Told yourself you wouldn’t log into his e-mail account.
You put a tally beside your computer and started calling it your sobriety calendar.
Eleven days clean. Haven’t checked it since that fall.
You told yourself that “this is why you don’t snoop through other people’s lives.”
You said “this is why you stop rationalizing all together.”
There are exes marked day after day. You nod, slightly to the fact that you are now an ex marked day by day.
You wonder if his computer will notify him that someone else is in his account.
You worry that he already knows what you’re doing.
You wonder why he doesn’t change his beautiful password.
You wonder why he chose her over you.
You wonder why you eat a tub of peanut butter every three days.

“and lifted right up” by Julia on her couch


Saturday June 18, 2016
10:10pm
5 minutes
All My Puny Sorrows
Miriam Toews


Caught me in the middle of ‘researching’ various porn sites and I got mad at you for barging in unannounced. Kendra, you said, I live here. Do I really have to announce anything? I was embarrassed, obviously, that’s why people get defensive and upset in the first place, but I was not about to tell you that.
Listen, Matt, I don’t think a text or a phone call is a very big inconvenience just to tell me you’re on your way or that you’re 5 or 10 minutes out, or that you’ll be disturbing me and just wanted to give me a heads up.
Disturbing you? You asked.
Yes, I told you, or disrupting the flow.
I didn’t know there would be so many arbitrarily chosen rules popping up when you moved in.
I’m just saying we share the space and it’d be nice to be aware of each other.
Fine, Kendra. You said. You were on your way back out the door. I’d like all parties present to be informed that I am, ANNOUNCING, that I am leaving for the night, and all parties present can go back to being a huge dick for no reason, by herself.

“intently and furiously” by Julia on her couch


Thursday March 5, 2014
10:50pm
5 minutes
We Did
Brian Doyle


I’m scared of you. I’m scared of your blisters popping in the bed while we’re sleeping. I’m scared of your hang nail getting caught in my hair. I’m scared of your allergies and intolerances rearing their ugly heads. I’m scared of your arm hairs falling into my soup. I’m scared of your penchant for guns and your ability to hit targets. I’m scared of your jeans ripping during an important speech or ceremony. I’m scared of your water glass sitting out all night and you drinking the dust and room particles. I’m scared of your insatiable appetite. Your inability to be silent in your sleep. Your misunderstanding of perfection and standards. Your disbelief in anything but the justice system. Your left big toe nail that never fully grew back on.
I’m scared of you. It’s a furious fear. An intense one. I’m scared of you dying before me.