“Her bigness sweeps my being” by Julia at her desk

Thursday June 18, 2020
7:35pm
5 minutes
America
Claude McKay

Dear Inside Voice,

I hear you. I’m listening. You used to try to get my attention in little ways. You didn’t want to yell. And I don’t blame you for that. I shouldn’t have made you strain to be noticed. That was wrong of me. See this little seed of avoidance I planted deep inside me was right next to you and it grew faster than I could have imagined. I didn’t mean to block you out, make you feel small, or like you weren’t worth welcoming in. I see now how I would have been aided by your wisdom. I would have been able to give you big rooms to sing into. Big echoing stairwells to sweep your endlessness around. I want that today. I want that still. I hope you know that there is a shift and it’s happening now, from before, and all over. It’s not just me. I’m not the only one stripping away the layers, spiraling in to journey all the way to the core; the tiny voice matched to such big energy. I am not the only one.

“the endless sky of Manitoba” by Julia at The Cabin Coffee in Bemidji, MN


Monday Aug 4, 2014 at The Cabin Coffee
11:18am
5 minutes
a quote from Joe Lawther


Oh I know I’m far from home
And I’ve got a long way to go
But I’ve been here a while and I say the same thing
There is so much to see
Endless possibilities
I have held on to the limitless feeling
Oh I’m under under under
Looking up to something bigger than me
Oh I’m under under under
Can’t keep my eyes on anything but
The endless skies of Manitoba
I can’t think straight
I just dream all day
I’ve been here for a while and I say the same thing
My whole life is this
Reaching for its bliss
I have held on to the limitless feeling
Oh I’m under under under
Looking up to something bigger than me
Oh I’m under under under
Can’t keep my heart on anything but
The endless skies of Manitoba
The endless skies of Manitoba
Stretched as far as I can go
looking each and every way and I can’t find my soul
Lost in some vast field under the bright calm blue
I’m far away from home but I’ve found my truth

“Heavy duty” by Julia at the Marriott in Providence RI


Friday May 2, 2014
11:45pm
5 minutes
from the sponge wrapper

Papa used to get so mad at me when I’d track mud through the house–told me, Deirdre, could you for once stop playing like a little piggy? And I’d say, Papa, I’ll just take them off, it’s easier. He’d smile and say, Sure, sure, Dee Dee, and I’d smile back and say, You’ll miss me to the moon when I’m gone.
I didn’t quite know what that meant but I had heard Lucy-Bell say it to her boyfriend when they were having a big fight out on the veranda. She’d run in screaming just to scream and told me to stay out of her way or she’d yank every blonde hair out of my head one by one. I’d sit by the front window and watch her boyfriend, Dillon, with his hands in his jean pockets and his eyes closed, just sighing at the night and all its bigness. Probably at Lucy-Bell in all her bigness. I didn’t want Papa to think I wasn’t good at listening, I just always forgot to do what he told me cause I’d get so caught up in the fun of it all.