“the feelings that have been aroused” by Julia on her bed

Monday October 14, 2019
9:35pm
5 minutes
From a quote by Susan Sontag

calm, a tingling, a lying buzz that I know well
You see me and then pretend not to
I see you and pretend not to
We are the same and yet I think yours
is not about hate the way mine is but
about something that is beyond me to name
yours maybe something to do with resistance
to what I might have represented for you

a calm, still, I do not care the way
I used to in the pit of me but the
tingling comes because your face has always
been a panda that should be cuter
and that is shallow but deep
as it teeters in the stagnant pool of me
that no one gets to see

A lying buzz because I am striving for
honesty but I told myself some
untruths to justify my ignoring you
I have not been the bigger person
but the more sensitive one
as I am contemplating you here and you
are likely not offering my name a second
thought

I know it well and I hate it the same
it comes for me to knock me off my
high horse and since I’m not high anymore
I can see if for what it is
and lesson is what it is
and letting go is what I must be practicing

You might not care and this is more for
me than it is for you and yes I see it
clearly now
I see it like the horse

“the feelings that have been aroused” by Sasha at Black River Farm

Monday October 14, 2019
10:03pm
5 minutes
From a quote by Susan Sontag

Maggie wonders if it’s the full moon, or if she’s PMS-ing. She hasn’t felt like herself today. She grates carrots for salad. She unloads the dishwasher. She turns on CBC radio, and then turns it off again. Maggie wonders what day it is… Monday. It’s Monday. Maybe she should go to yoga. Maybe that would snap her out of this fog. Maybe she should masturbate. Maybe she should tell Jim that dinner’s ready, but she’s going out for a burger. By herself. She opens the fridge and cracks a beer.