Thursday November 3, 2016 at JJ Bean
Overheard at JJ Bean
I sucked her bottom lip slowly like I was trying to extract a stinger without disrupting the blood vessels. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to be gentle. In the hollowed buzz between us I could tell which breath belonged to her and which didn’t. I suddenly couldn’t stand the feeling of not sharing air. What had I been doing up until this point? Had I ever considered I had been hiding my truth somewhere deep in the shame of me–that tended to burrow underneath expectations and the holy grail of perfection? Had I even lived at all? We didn’t have anywhere else to be, no other versions of ourselves to uphold. I made a promise to only stop if she asked me to.
Wednesday November 2, 2016
from a Facebook post
I don’t know if I had ever heard the word no until now.
Not in my own voice. Not in my own guts. It felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I didn’t want what yes felt like anymore. I didn’t want yes at all.
I think how nice it would have been to have had been taught how to use it then. How i’m so sorry i’m running a bit late say no then. How to hear it. How to stand by it. I wish there were some lessons on how to survive saying no. On how to survive the fear of saying no. On how to survive.
Better late than never I do imagine.
All good things take time.
All thoughts eventually become practice. All practice becomes practiced.