“Like when I need plumbing done” by Sasha on the couch at Bowmore

Friday, December 25, 2015
5 minutes
Russell Brand

I’m waiting for the nurse to call my name and I swear to God if I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown I would’ve bolted. I’m looking at a woman with an IV drip and then I’m looking at the guy coughing up a lung and then I’m looking at all the vacant faces who mirror mine. Waiting. “Franny Vince?” It’s a question like a roll call, like, when the teacher would take attendance before we sang the anthem. “Oh Canada, our home and native land!” I’m not trying to be funny, even, I’m just, like, I’m scared shitless. I’m scared shitless.


“Right this way.”

“Nice Santa Claus brooch.”

“My grandson made it.”

“He’s really good.”


“You dye your hair?”


“What brand?”

“My sister does it.”