“makes a splash” by Julia on her couch

Tuesday, January 8, 2013
5 minutes
The back of the Next Stage Festival program

Oh! And he has ambition too! Did I mention he smells like the sweet afternoon at a tropical resort?
I’ve never been in love before but I’ll tell you right now if this is it, then it’s very much worth waiting for! It’s like, how can one guy have all the qualities that I want in a partner, and THEN SOME, when some people are lucky enough if they have 2/10 attributes on my list. I mean, I want to ask him, “Are you even real?” Like, for example, when he dives into a pool (did I mention? He’s a professional diver!) he doesn’t even make a splash! How nuts is that. He has more poise in his pinky finger than Gandhi has in his whole body! Is that too far? Should I have left Gandhi out of it? I don’t care! I DON’T CARE! I’m truly happy for the first time in my adult life, I didn’t meet him online, AND, I didn’t make him up. What am I supposed to do? Hide behind my happiness and pretend my life, for once, isn’t perfect? I don’t think so. I’ve got big plans for us. We’re going to rent an apartment together before we own, and my biggest goal for us is to have an actual garden!