Tuesday, December 25, 2012
The Gluten-Free Vegan
We were practicing our kissing face in the mirror. He was getting mad at me because I kept opening my eyes to watch us do it. Sorry! I said, but if I don’t see it, I’ll never know what we’re doing wrong. Marisha and Tan cannot have a better kissing photo than us, do you understand? THIS IS SERIOUS!
He was getting annoyed. I could tell because he started twisting his beard the way he did when he was annoyed. It was a pretty obvious signal. But I was hell-bent so his twisty ways were going to have to wait. Let’s try again, I said, but this time, let’s do it like we’re alone, like no one’s watching. YOU’RE WATCHING! He said. You’re making me self-conscious and I don’t give a flying fuck if our photo is just ‘sub-par’. DO NOT SAY SUB-PAR to me. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION, JEREMY. He rolled his eyes at me, but I didn’t care. Marisha was broadcasting her cuteness all over the internet by now and if we didn’t have one to mock up the date stamp, then we would just look like second place because she did hers first. LET’S PRACTICE WITH THE WEB CAM! I squealed. We could video tape it and watch it from a couple of angles, and this way I could keep my eyes closed and he would feel a little more at ease. No. He said. This is fucking stupid. I’M DOING THIS FOR YOU, JEREMY! GODDAMMIT!