“Harvest Fair” by Julia on the subway going west

Saturday September 22, 2012
5 minutes
from a subway ad at Spadina station

I never asked you to stay
And you stayed
Like a grandmother tree looking after her forest
You stayed strong and unmoved
Mostly I commend you
Your ability to stay inside this hell-hole with the enemy for as long as you have and for how long I’m certain you will
You have passed the test
I can let you go now if you want
I release you!
Feel free to go make some other asshole girl happy because you’re very good at it
And if I’m holding you back from a better asshole girl than me, then please, just go
Although I will miss you a lot
I’ll probably do some daily crying and drastic hair cutting
I’ll probably call you when I’ve taken the truth serum that accompanies such sadness and tell you that I need to touch the scar on your lip and smell your dirty hockey socks
But I didn’t ask you to stay
You said it was the only thing you could do
You said you couldn’t bear to let me go to the Fall Fair in town by myself
I only went to that stupid thing in the first place because you were going to be there
And now it’s turned into our thing
I know this
I can’t go to it alone