Thursday, May 24, 2012
I watched a man get hit in his face today. He was a homeless man, so at first I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t even care, if I can speak honestly. Then as I was walking to work, I found myself crying. Just tears streaming, streaming down my cheeks. I was a wreck. I didn’t know guilt could keep me so close. I was just trying to ignore it and pretend like things like that don’t happen in this world, and definitely not around me, in front of me.
I could have done something. I should have run up to that piece of shit and jumped on his back, ripping his eyelids back as far as they go.
I should have done something.
The worst part is that the homeless man was not looking for a fight. He wasn’t begging for money. He wasn’t calling out crude comments. All he said was, “Good afternoon sir.”
I am the only monster in this scenario.
I want to rip my own eyelids back and force myself to stare down the sun as punishment.
How easy it is to keep walking. To keep thinking, “well thank god it wasn’t me”.
And a hypocrite probably said this once too.
It’s better if we help but then when we get the chance, we just don’t do a damned thing.
I wanted to get fired from my job today. I wanted a reason to keep fighting for something other than the things I already have.
I wanted to feel something better.